How I know my girlfriend is The One I’m going to marry

by Jun Loayza on April 26, 2009

My grandparents were divorced, my parents are divorced, my older brother is divorced… it seems that the Loayza destiny is to get divorced with whom we marry.

For as long as I can remember, my dad has constantly preached that I should not get married. “Be with a lot of women, live with one if she’s special to you, but never get married because love dies son.” he would say to me.

Through Awesome Revolution, I have interviewed at least 4 Millennials that got married at the age of 22.

For a while I just couldn’t understand it.  I love Kim, but there is absolutely no way I would get married to her right now.  How do I even know that she’s the one?  After all, I have been in many previous relationships where I fell out of love with my partner.  How can I be sure that it won’t happen this time?

I searched on the blogosphere and a ton of people have written posts about “how to know if she’s the one.”  All of them gave crappy, sappy advice like “You know she’s the one when the first thing you think of in the morning is her,” or “No one can tell you if she’s the one; you just know.”

Lame I say.

So as an entrepreneur, I sat back and looked at my relationship holistically.  I compared my relationship with Kim now, to all of the other relationships that I’ve ever been with to see if I am going down the path of a breakup, or if Kim might truly be “the one.”  Hey, all my friends seem to be married or getting married; maybe it’s time for a Loayza to find his one true love.

After analyzing my relationship, I realized the following:

I can punch her in the face when she’s annoying

Figuratively speaking guys!  When Kim is being annoying, or if I have a problem with what she’s doing, I have no problems with starting a fight with her.  And I’m not talking about the “where did you leave the remote control!” kind of fights.  Those are lame, ridiculous, and utterly stupid.  I’m talking about the kind of fights that show you care enough to get into an argument with her.

I was previously in a relationship where we absolutely never fought.  It was strange, and at the same time, I thought that I was in the perfect relationship because we never had an argument.  Looking back, I now realize that it wasn’t the perfect relationship; it was more like the perfect fling.  We never got into a fight because we just didn’t care enough about each other for it to matter.

If Kim does something that I feel is wrong, I call her out on it.  If Kim starts bumming it, I’m going to kick her little tush until she gets motivated again.  All couples fight; you just need to fight for the right reasons.

I double take but don’t get hard

Hahaha… the way I phrased this point cracks me up.

For some reason, my DNA is wired in a way where I can’t help checking out other girls, flirting with other girls, and wanting them to like me.  Hmmm… maybe it’s called “being a guy.”

Throughout every relationship I’ve even been in, I’ve always had a “go to girl on the side.”  It wasn’t like I was cheating on my girlfriend; she was just another girl that I liked and that I knew liked me.  At times I got tired of the girl I was with, so I would have fun with this other girl, making me feel more alive.  Yes, I know this makes me sound like an asshole.

But I think this is a key point in knowing if I’ve found “the one.”  I no longer have a girl on the side.  In fact, I constantly meet girls that I am attracted to, but the thing is, I immediately tell them that I have a girlfriend.  Yea, it sounds like a lame accomplishment, but it’s a pretty big deal for me.  I want to make it clear to the girl, and more importantly to myself, that I am completely devoted to Kim Ear.

Lunch with the Ex

Trust is probably the most valuable component of any relationship.  In my previous relationships, if I told my girlfriend that I wanted to hang out with my ex, she would flip her wig and start yelling at me, “Am I not enough for you!” I have gone out with some seriously crazy girls before….

You might think I’m lying, but I’m being completely honest when I tell you that Kim is completely fine if I go out to lunch with girls that I used to date.  Of course there are a few conditions:

  1. We must split the bill
  2. She has to be completely over me
  3. We can’t go to a restaurant that Kim and I love to go to together

Trust is the most important part of any relationship, and the ultimate test of your mutual trust is if you trust her to go out with her ex, and if she trusts you to go out with yours.

I’m happy to say that we pass the test with flying colors.

[Notice that I say "lunch," and not "dinner."  Dinner with an ex will ALWAYS be off limits]

I’m proud to show her off

I can’t wait to show Kim off to my friends and family.  It’s such an amazing feeling when you have a girlfriend that you’re proud to be with.

The test for this is simple.  Ask yourself:

  • Do you hesitate to introduce your girlfriend to your friends or to your family
  • Are you honest when you talk about your girlfriend’s career with others or do you make her career sound more prestigious than it actually is
  • Do you talk about your girlfriend when you’re with your friends or family

Kim perfectly fits each and every one of the qualifications that are important to me.  I still think I’m too young to get married (I’m 23), but I can honestly, and proudly say that Kim is the one.  I’m not ashamed to say it, nor do I feel like I’m going to miss out on all of the potential girls that I could have.

This post feels right, and it makes me feel happy to put my feelings about her in writing.

Discussion: What qualifications must your significant other pass in order for you to know if he or she is the one?

About the author

Jun Loayza Jun Loayza is the President of Ecommerce Rules. In his entrepreneurial experience, Jun has sold 2 internet companies, raised over $1,000,000 in Angel funding, and lead social media technology campaigns for Sephora, Whole Foods Market, Levi's, LG, and Activision. Find Jun on Google or Twitter

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
REVEALED:
Lifestyle Business Secrets from a Multi-Million Dollar Drop-Shipping Entrepreneur

If you want to build a profitable, sustainable lifestyle business, then the best place to start is to become an Ecommerce Rules Insider.

Here’s what you’ll get right now...

  • The multi-million dollar drop-shipping case study
  • Sneak peek at our drop-shipper database
  • Free regular advice for building a successful lifestyle business
  • ... and much more
Get the Ecommerce Rules Insider's Kit

Leave a Comment

{ 86 comments… read them below or add one }

Lorling (Lorraine Smith) April 26, 2009 at 7:25 am

Great article! Sounds like you and Kim have a healthy relationship. The two of you seem to be mature ‘young’ people. And Kim sounds like a great girl! I agree with you – 23 is too young to get married. You have plenty of time. And where the history of divorce in your family is concerned – you only live once! You don’t want look back later thinking ‘what if …’

Reply

Jun Loayza April 26, 2009 at 8:49 am

Yea…. and what a history it is.

I think this is definitely the healthiest relationship I have ever been in. The next step we’re going to take is moving in together. I think that’s going to be really fun, and we’re going to learn so much more about each other.

Reply

Norcross April 26, 2009 at 7:46 am

As someone who had a lot of the same mentality in my early 20′s, then got married at 26, my experience is that if marriage, like anything else, is a hell of a lot of work, and more times than not seems like a sham. However, the points you raised are the same ones that my wife and I have. We can call each other out on our shit, are allowed to be human, and most of all are completely content with each other for who we are, not an idea of what we might become.

Reply

Jun Loayza April 26, 2009 at 8:51 am

Married at 26. I was thinking along the lines of 27, so I might be reaching out to you to ask you about your experiences with marriage.

I don’t like the word “content.” Though I know you don’t mean it in this way, it sounds like you just “settled” or “got used to” your wife. I don’t want to be content with my wife and life, I want to be excited about them everyday.

Again, it’s probably just semantics

Reply

Kristina April 26, 2009 at 7:49 am

Congrats, Jun, on finding the one and on a wonderful post. I wish I could participate in the discussion, but I’m single and have been for awhile. Maybe I’ll bookmark this post and come back to it when I have found the one.

Reply

Jun Loayza April 26, 2009 at 8:52 am

Want me to introduce you to some good looking, intelligent, ambitious guys?

Reply

Kristina April 26, 2009 at 9:36 pm

Yes please. I’m a little tired of being single. ;)

Yawza April 26, 2009 at 8:04 am

Great Post Jun. I wanted to ask you how do you deal with the pressures of a future proposal from friends and family?

Reply

Jun Loayza April 26, 2009 at 8:53 am

Hmmmm… to good thing is that my immediate family and my best friends don’t pressure me at all about getting married.

My parents DON’T want me to get married until I have established my career.

The really amazing thing is that my best friends from back home, Kia and Timon, both are in very serious relationships. So, it would be so great if we all got married at the same time and went through that part of our lives together.

Hahaha… yea, very sappy

Reply

Nicole April 26, 2009 at 8:48 am

My qualifications for knowing if my man is the one:
- He puts as much into the relationship as I do.
- I trust him completely, and know that I can count on him no matter what. This ranges from knowing I can call him to run an errand to knowing he would take care of me and everything at home if I got sick or injured.
- My family (particularly my brother) likes him. A lot.
- We have similar goals and desired standard of living, and are both willing to work equally hard to achieve it.
- I can imagine having kids with him, and think that we would make a good parenting team.
- I can talk to him about anything and everything pragmatically, down to how I feel about our relationship, without it ever getting too emotional or irrational.
- He makes me laugh. Often.
- We’re compatible travel companions, and things are better with him than without him.
- Even after years of living together we can still have an enjoyable conversation every day.

Reply

Jun Loayza April 26, 2009 at 8:55 am

awwww… well that was sweet Nicole. Are you with anyone right now?

I hope that Kim and I will be able to have conversations even after years of living together

Reply

Christie April 26, 2009 at 9:46 am

Great post! I think you do a good job of explaining the importance of a relationship being *healthy*. I think too often people focus on how much they like their partner, instead of how healthy the relationship is. There’s an important distinction, and I think you do a great job of explaining it.
I am pretty curious to see your answer to Yawza’s question, though?

Reply

Jun Loayza April 26, 2009 at 9:57 am

Hey Christie, I actually did answer Yawza.

I really don’t receive any pressure to get married. Most of the pressure is to NOT get married and make a lot of money.

It’s hard to be the “hope” of the family; the way I deal with it is to just suck it up and do it. I also let my blog be a place where I can vent and feel supported by my close blogging community.

We’re all trying to be successful. So if can support you in any way please let me know

Reply

Christie April 27, 2009 at 5:47 am

That’s cool that you don’t receive a lot of pressure to get married. It sucks that you’re under pressure to make money, but I love that you’re up to the challenge! That’s great.
Sometimes I feel pressure to make a lot of money… but I think it’s actually a generation removed from where you are feeling it (I’m the oldest, my parents are still idealistic. Still, they weren’t raised by idealistic people and it shows through… if that makes sense.) Anyhow, I’m starting to realize that’s actually a nice release, because I’m a lot closer to my immediate family than my extended family anyhow. It’s easier to care less about what my extended family expects, which is nice.
My passion is art, and music, and in some ways logic… it has been and always will be. It’s strange how much that passion is just instilled in me… it will never be gone. I’m sure you can understand, since you are so clearly passionate about your work.
I think I’m probably going to start getting more involved in the social networking world, actually… so hopefully you will be hearing from me more often! I just love the dialogue of your blog- and Tony’s too for that matter. I want to get involved in the conversation. :) I wish the three of us had talked in high school! I knew you both, but I talked to Tony in core classes and only got to talk to you in orchestra… I don’t think I even realize you were friends until Tony went to visit you in CA last year.

I just have to free up some time for editing and organizing my ideas first :). But I’m making those changes, so the time to start being more serious about it should start very quickly!

Joseph April 26, 2009 at 11:23 am

As soon as I saw this blog post title I smiled. I am happy for you and Kim and although I met her only once, you two are great together.

It is funny how Yu-Kai, myself and you all have girlfriends.

Keep up the good work bro, we got the girl, now it’s time to make our company huge!

Reply

Jun Loayza April 26, 2009 at 12:14 pm

Dude, we should totally have like a “Friends” setup. We can all live together!!!

hahaha… that would be either super fun, or we would all end up hating each other.

Reply

Marc and Angel Hack Life April 27, 2009 at 3:31 pm

The realization of love is found in the little moments… when you’re doing nothing with her, yet loving every second of it. Even when she’s sleeping. ;-)

http://www.marcandangel.com/2009/03/30/the-blissful-art-of-being-and-breathing/

Reply

Jun Loayza April 27, 2009 at 9:33 pm

Very cute :D

Even in the morning!

Reply

Matt Cheuvront April 28, 2009 at 4:47 pm

Jun – this is a great post man. Love is a powerful thing, and knowing that the one you are with is THE one is so amazing – it’s the same way I feel with my girlfriend. It keeps your grounded, love helps you put things in perspective – in a business sense, it helps keep you sane and organizes your priorities. It’s just an amazing, powerful thing, that no amount of professional accomplishment to replace. The idea that another human being can love YOU unconditionally, I mean, it doesn’t get much better than that.

Sorry for drifting a bit lately – but I’m still around bro, you’re doing big things, I’m working on some things of my own – we’ll have to sit down and chat soon. Keep on keeping on!

Reply

Jun Loayza April 28, 2009 at 5:12 pm

Yea, if I wasn’t with Kim, I’d be running around chasing all these girls around me. She’s good for me.

I sent you a draft. I think I’ll send you a final this week.

Let me know what you’re working on

Reply

yinka olaito April 29, 2009 at 3:19 am

Congrats Jun. I wish you all the best. I pray this happy find love last till old age.You have a permission to make a difference and set a new rule in the Loayza

Reply

JunLoayza April 29, 2009 at 8:47 pm

Thanks Yinka! Yup, it’s a whole new generation for the Loayza fam

Reply

Bud Hennekes April 29, 2009 at 4:09 pm

Looks like you know the power of authentic relationships!

Congrats!

-Bud

Reply

Bud Hennekes April 29, 2009 at 4:11 pm

“I can punch her in the face when she’s annoying
Figuratively speaking guys!”

That made me laugh out loud in class! Good stuff!

Reply

JunLoayza April 29, 2009 at 8:47 pm

hahaha… Yea, had to make sure that no one took me seriously on that one!

Reply

Pritesh April 29, 2009 at 4:32 pm

Congrats Jun. It’s definitely good feeling when you relize that she is THE one. I can tell you few things from my experience:

- At every steps of the life, our lifestyle changes. Whatever I used to love few yrs back are not the same now. I have changed myself completely and I’m not the same guy what I used to be few yrs back. My lifestyle, thinking process, my career- all have been changed but they haven’t impacted on how I love my girl. But it has tremendous effect on our relationship. I simply love the way my girl handles it and it makes me to love her even more!

- Honestly, I had no idea what it means as I have not seen any divorce in my family. I remember I had similar conversation with a friend few years back. I told him that life has it’s own style. You can learn it as much as you can from your own experiences. Whoever you choose to be with, try to with her/him as much longer as you can. Try to solve all the problems before you make the biggest one which may be hard to undo. I believe that life is like a poker game. In poker, you have to play your best with whatever cards you have. Just treat your life as a poker game once you decide you’re ready to be with someone and try to enjoy/win the life-race along with her. Don’t take me wrong as I am not saying that divorce is wrong. Sometimes we have to do it as we may not have any other option available and that might be the best for everyone. Simply, I am saying that sometimes we want the best and to achieve it, we lose someone who could make the best out of nothing.

Cheers.
Pritesh
http://twitter.com/mehta1p

Reply

JunLoayza April 29, 2009 at 8:49 pm

“Life is like a poker game.” Such a great quote! You can write a post about that.

Our lifestyles definitely do change; I think the people who stay the happiest accept the change and adapt to their environment.

Get an avatar bro

Reply

Adam April 29, 2009 at 7:51 pm

I’m only 16 and I’m have been thru both good and bad relaotionships. The girl I’m with right now is a freshman in highschool. I know I have a longbtime before I find “the one” but I wanted to know if she is. I really do love her. But when were on the phone, sometimes we don’t really talk about Anything. This can go on for maybe an hour or so. We’ve only been together for 2 months now and she really is agreat girl. But we never really talk about our relaitionship. If I never brought it up then it would never be talked about. We never really fight and sometimes when she’s mad or sad I can’t make her feel better buy I’ll notice that when she goes to her friends she immediately starts smiling and eventually gets in to a better mood. She never really ever sits down with me 1on1 and wants to talk about anything. I just can’t tell if she is right for me or not. But I do know it would break her heart if I left her becuz I do know she loves me but I want to be happy in this relaitionship. Please help me out her because I don’t really have any1else to talk to about this. My parents don’t really understand what I am talking about u guys will. Help me know if she is the right one. And if I should stay with her and pursue this relaitionship.

Reply

JunLoayza April 29, 2009 at 8:55 pm

Hey Adam,

Before you read on, shoot me an email at me [at] junloayza.com and we can talk about it in more detail.

To leave a brief and to the point comment: This girl is NOT the one. I can tell you this for sure, and you guys will break up. Now, this doesn’t mean that you don’t care about each other or that you don’t “love” each other; all it means is that this is a learning experience for you and her.

I remember when I had my first girlfriend when I was 16. I actually liked older girls so she was 17. I thought she was “the one.” I was so obsessed with her that we would spend hours talking on the phone about nothing. My phone bill was ridiculous! But you know what, we grew out of each other.

High School is NOT the place to find your girlfriend. High School and College are great times to find out who you are.

Be with A LOT of women. Date them, care for them, love them, but realize that since you’re so young, you will grow out of each other.

After being with a lot of girls, I am now mature enough to have a serious relationship. Actually, I think 23 is still too young to be with “the one,” but I feel that I’ve been with enough girls to really know for sure.

So to summarize:

Should you break up with your girlfriend right now since she’s not the ones?

No, no need to break up with her now. Just take it as it is: a learning experience. Don’t obsess over her, don’t give her too much attention, and focus on yourself. Yes give her time, but your studies and friends ALWAYS come first.

Shoot me an email if you want to chat more.

Reply

Adam April 29, 2009 at 10:04 pm

How r u for sure she is not the one for me? She seems so perfect but she only lacks a few things. But I could easily overlook her flaws just as she does mine. And what is ur skype acc. Or if u have an Aim that would work better. But please give me more details as to why she isn’t for me. My email is sorowsblade@yahoo.com

Reply

sebastian b. May 4, 2009 at 5:25 am

why is dinner off limits for u??

Reply

Jun Loayza May 4, 2009 at 9:21 am

Dinner is intimate. It should be reserved for really good friends or people you are dating. If I take my ex-girlfriend out to dinner, it would mean I’m trying to get back with her. Even if I don’t honestly mean that, it will be implied.

No dinner with exes. It will only lead to fights

Reply

sebastian barahona May 24, 2009 at 10:15 am

Yeah i get what you mean. i thought you ment no dinner with anyone of the opposite sex like a friend whos a girl or something.

Reply

Martha June 4, 2009 at 1:16 am

U r sounding like matured enough to take and the circumstances of life, and I’d like to congratulate both of you.
Well I have a situation to ask u n shared with u, i.e I have a boy friend whom I ready to settle my whole life. we love each other very much. But my parents force me to marry a guy whom they know very well. No doubt he is a perfect one, he has all qualities which generally girls likes.
But I cannot even think of it to spend my life with him, whom I don’t love.

Its a problem of caste, my boyfriend is not from my caste and they won’t allowed our relationship at all. I try a lot convinced my family but they asking me to keep their reputation as I’m the eldest daughter of family. What you suggest me?
What shall I do?
I shall be deeply appreciate for your help.
Thanks!
Martha.

Reply

Jon J June 10, 2009 at 10:21 am

Hi Jun,

Thank you for posting this. You def seem like you know where you want to go with your relationship with this girl. And it seems like you’re taking your time and not rushing or jumping into things (as Passion and emotions usually lead the young at heart to do).

Didn’t really catch how old you are or where you’re at in your life (goals etc.). All I’d like to say is to use it all to your advantage. If there’s a girl you’re with right now who’s mad cool enjoy every minute of it. And the big word (when ever in a relationships/marriage) is COMPROMISE.

I’m in my mid twenties and can never see myself getting married. I enjoy talking to and hanging out with multiple girls (which is not easy to do by any means, I’m still learning each step of the way…some girls get really jealous, others are really cool with it…you never know ;-)….but that’s just me.

I find that when I start judging people for that: whether they like relationships with only one girl or with tons of different girls that it only breeds negative energy and comes from a place of Insecurity within the culprit.

Having read alot about this, if I do choose to marry, it will be in my thirties.

From your post I got that you did find a girl who’s: Smart, sexy, and very very emotionally healthy….and she has a high self esteem (it sounds healthy at least). Congratulations as you seem like a fellow who does not tolerate second rate behavior from anyone (especially the women you choose to have in your world).

My interpretation of that to all the fellows out there struggling with relationships is to:

1. Know what is that you want in a Man/woman you hope to start a relationship with

Good self esteem, well groomed, respects their body i.e they eat healthy exercise etc….

2. Never settle for less

If a girl/guy you’re with doesn’t respect you, holds out on sex to control you etc…then why are you putting up with that?

3. Never judge or expect anything from your partner

Too many head games go on in relationships. To me this has to do with one word: Jealousy.

4. Always realize that the only person you can Change is YOU. So when an issue arises with a girl/guy that makes you feel fear, or anger realize that you must take full responsibility and not take the attitude of “Why is this happening to me.”

You have everything built inside of you already to make the changes towards a happier healthier way of life ;-)

5. Hang out with Positive High Energy people

People you’d want to be like or people who make you feel good. I’m not talking about people who kiss your ass or don’t give you tough love. I’m talking about people who understand respect and authenticity and honesty etc.

Apologies for the rant. Thank you again for the great post. I enjoyed reading it ;-)

-j

Reply

JunLoayza June 10, 2009 at 10:44 am

j,

Thank you so much for the meaningful comment. I can tell you put a lot of yourself into it so I read every single word and let it all sink in.

I’m 23 (turning 24 in a couple of months) and she’s 24. She just got promoted and is an Assistant Manager at Free People. I just launched Viralogy.com 3 weeks ago and am hoping make it a huge success. Though we’re not THERE yet, we’re definitely on track to becoming very successful and happy people.

You 5 points make perfect sense. Thanks so much for sharing your knowledge and passion and I hope to chat with you soon.

- Jun

Reply

Peter November 24, 2009 at 9:34 pm

Hey Jun,

This post is really great!! it really helps to balance out your life and not lose it all.
Being an entrepreneur does take so much energy time and you have broken it down to its simple form.

I just launched a unique dating site for book lovers and it went international already in 1 months. But i still have long way to go. Your voice has helped me thru the tough times.

Thanks.

Peter
http://www.bookflirts.com
online dating for book lovers.

Jon J June 10, 2009 at 6:04 pm

That’s awesome,

You both sound like you keep busy and don’t try to rely on one another (though that brings you closer when you each realize that the other is “doing”, “giving” their all to simply “give it” not expecting anything in return….picture two dancers each “giving” to the point where it’s look so seamless, one is not trying to look better than the other etc. ;-)

Keep up the amazing posts. I’m really knew to blogs etc. Thank you for your response. I can tell you really know your etiquette.

Viralogy looks pretty interesting. Good luck with that ;-)

-j

Reply

rogerthat August 19, 2009 at 10:42 pm

Hey jun,

like your comments about how to find if the girlfriend is the one. Right now , i have a girlfriend who i think might be the one. Only problem is sometimes I cant understand her..seems like she’s a bit on the immature side or i am just too dense which makes me think twice of her being the one. Im 25, she’s 23… I dont know how to make our relationship a stable one if we keep on getting arguments suddenly…I know she loves me so much as i learned from her friends privately., but she’s just too idealistic? Or the retarded punchline “Gals are like that” always seems to be her favorite line ….

Can we talk over email over this?

thank you

Reply

Uyen September 14, 2009 at 1:47 am

Jun, I am utterly blown away by you. haha…. so i was bored and saw you online but you know it’s that awkward feeling you get when you want to say hi but you haven’t really spoken to the other person for such a long time it feels a bit weird? and now i feel all stalker-ish because i’m sitting here reading about your personal life in some blog you wrote a year ago.

i didn’t realize how crazy this whole start up thing has been for you. but… i want say hello and tell you that this article really struck a chord with me. kind of hit home… a little. i feel like you just smacked me with a brick common sense. anyway, congratulations. we need to keep in touch, homie.

Reply

Digs November 10, 2009 at 7:15 pm

Wow, What a meaningful advice from alot of you.
Am in kinda the same situation at the moment, though we only been dating for 4 months, things seem so right. Though itm has been 4 months of long distance, where its 2-3 weeks and i see her for 3-5 days at a time…
Is she the one when you see her and it makes her day, you wake up thinking of her and why she isn’t there with you, a simple call to hear about her day or little spontaneous romance to make her smile. Strangly never had a lady that fitted so perfectly and falling asleep in my arms, who seems to be at complete peace and falllen completely in love.

The other weekend we spent 5 days in taupo staying at a hot water resort, amazing weekend it was. One of the days we went out for lunch and the waiter asked if we were on our honeymoon… to of which (if you ignore the inital shock) she jokingly played along and seemed completly fine with the idea. More so the talk got into kids, whether or not we would have a dog or a cat, and what life would be like if she lived with me..
Currently she lives 6 hours away from me, and she is looking for a job up in my town, is it the time to ask if she wants to move in or would i assume that she would get her own flat and we continue from there.

-Digs

Reply

Peter November 24, 2009 at 9:40 pm

hey Jun,

it’s great to hear stories like this and very promising for all entrepreneurs like myself.

I love how you really break things down.

I just launched a unique dating site for book lovers and it went international already.
Very excited but i still have a long way to go.

Great blog Jun!

Thanks
Peter
http://www.bookflirts.com
online dating for book lovers.

Reply

kurt lane January 29, 2010 at 10:06 pm

i know that this girl bianca is the one cause every morning i only think of her and she says she always thinks of me and i tell her i love her all day but she says it more we kiss alot and we hug alot but im not certain that shes the one i need some help cause i really love this is the strongest feeling that i have ever had in love before this is the first time i have ever fell truly in love. i tell her everyting even my most deepest darkest secrets and she tells me hers her parents really like me but im not sure if shes the one i really hope she is cause i would takea bullet or a stab or uven a slow death anykind of death just for her to live i would use me last breath to tell het i love her is want to knowis she the one

Reply

Dayton Chan August 8, 2010 at 10:07 am

Hi Jun,

Thanks for sharing your “passion” with the world! When I read this post a while ago and and then I wrote my post recently, How would I know true love, I thought I might share that in return for your inspiration.

Peace!

Dayton Chan

Reply

Michael August 28, 2010 at 11:24 pm

That’s great how you want to get married at 27 and all, but you forget about us Christian folk. I goto a Christian College and here you cant live with your girlfriend and then get married. Most people get married in college, especially Christian colleges and end up being with that person the rest of your life. Im 18 currently and my girlfriend and I are absolutely sure we are the one. We plan on getting married junior year. Now before you start saying “oh you will definitely not last, and all that” lemme just say that yes, she is the one. Because certain people, know at certain times if they are or arent the one. You shouldnt even have to have this page posted on the internet to help you figure out if shes the one. If you have to question this, you definitely are not ready to commit to marriage because you are questioning her as being the one. It is something you will know. It is someone you cannnot live without and no one else interests you greater than her and you share that special bond. And you deeply desire to spend your life with them and do EVERYTHING with them. Its all i think about everyday sometimes. Its really something you cannot put into words. But yeah-my 2 cents.

-Good luck with getting married old lol. The joy of getting married young is spending your life together in bliss without kids for many years. that is of course if you plan on having kids.

Reply

DW September 1, 2010 at 11:03 pm

Don’t mind me for replying to such an old post. I respect your zest, but something you said made me wonder:

“We can’t go to a restaurant that Kim and I love to go to together”

To me this implies a sensitivity around meeting up with an ex to do something that could have been special if it had been done with Kim.

I think human chemistry can occur regardless of the event.. wine and candles may supplement ambiance but I think part of staying true is not putting yourself in potentially dicey scenarios. Even if you feel nothing for your ex, it can silently taint things in the eyes of your partner.

I have a friend who rationalizes meeting with his exes “as friends” (who clearly aren’t *meaningful* friends). Not only is this unhelpful to his partner but the cheap thrill/ego boost he receives is basically frivolous, setting himself up for potentially troublesome opportunities.

We can never be 100% on the intentions of others.

Reply

Steph October 5, 2010 at 3:09 am

Has Kim read this article if so what does she think

Reply

Carlos November 5, 2010 at 1:31 pm

Hey,

I just came over this article. Im much older but still green on the relationship front. Actually just the long-term relationship front.

I liked your points…especially the Punch Her in the Face one. I have the same feeling with my girl. Of course I never hit her, but we use that expression all the time.

Just wondering if you guys are still together? You wrote this over a year ago.

Is she the ONE? Was she the ONE?
Im very curious.

Reply

JunLoayza December 20, 2010 at 5:57 pm

Yup, we’re still happily together!!!

Going on 3 years and strong :)

Reply

MG September 16, 2011 at 9:19 am

I came across your article and it helped me alot – I’m 27 and just got out of a long-term relationship – I broke it off but was constantly second guessing myself – especially bc she was the first girl I ever even “thought” about marriage in my mind. The truth is I led her on and I feel guilty about blindsiding her, but there were clear indications while we were together that she wasn’t the one.

1.I did have a “girl on the side” that I would have fun with, she knew I had a gf but I wouldn’t even mention it- it was like I wanted to be single towards her.

2. We never fought- I would talk about issues that bothered me a little bit but in a matter-of-fact way, as if it didn’t matter to me that much if she got the idea or not.

3. I definitely could not talk proudly at all about her career. She was cute and had a nice personality, so I would show her off to some people, but in the end I think I was doing more complaining than being proud.

I think it was still a close call, because she did have some redeeming qualities, but in the end I think I was lacking “true love” for her and even though I feel like I miss her, she is now with someone who hopefully loves her more completely, and I can be patient and wait for someone that really fits what you described.

Reply

JunLoayza September 16, 2011 at 10:49 am

MG, I believe you made the right decision.

Ultimately, you need to do what’s right for yourself. I know it can be hard to be selfish, especially if you care about the girl and want her to be happy. But if you’re not truly happy, then you cannot be with this girl forever.

You’re young. Don’t look for the one until you’re at least 30. Have fun, meet new people, and don’t worry about relationships.

Keep me updated

Reply

Cydney September 17, 2011 at 10:06 pm

I came across this article randomly.

All I have to say is that I am so happy for you both. I constantly second guess wether my boyfriend is the one or not. I think we are both just too young to tell, and a lit of it is probably a fear thing. We live together and love eachother very much but agree that it’s best to take it one day at a time. When it’s right, it’s right you know?

But your post was very reassuring! We share all of the qualities listed =] I hope we, too grow to know, undoubtedly, that we will spend the rest of our lives together.

I wish you and your lovely girlfriend (I’m assuming that’s her in the picture) a wonderful life together!

Reply

Jun Loayza September 18, 2011 at 12:25 pm

Thanks so much! Kim and I are 26 now and still super happy! We just celebrated out 4th year anniversary.

She’s moving up to SF next month and we’re getting out own place together for the first time.

Exciting!

Good luck with everything and I wish you nothing but the best.

Reply

Nicole October 7, 2011 at 2:04 am

Hi Jun! Thank you so much for this article, I loved it! I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2years now (and we’ve been living together for 1 year), and even if I know it’s really too soon to worry about it, I’m still wondering if he’s really the one. I know he’s sure I’m the one… And I think he may be… We get into fights when needed (but it never lasts long), we trust each other, we tell each other everything, we’re proud of each other… I’m really happy with him, I fell that everything is much better when he’s with me, I love living with him and feeling him close to me when I fall asleep… But even if we’re both 25, he’s my first boyfriend. All my life, I’ve thought I wanted the first guy I would kiss to be my future husband… And now I’m wondering : how can I know he is the one, if I’ve never dated anyone before? I have no point of comparison, no way to tell “this is going the right way”… Sometimes I think that maybe this is how anybody feels when in a relationship, maybe I’d feel this way with any boy I would date? Maybe he’s not so special? I love him, but how can I know I love him more than anybody else if I’ve never dated anyone else? Any piece of advice would be welcome!

Reply

Jun Loayza October 7, 2011 at 9:25 am

Terrific question!

How can I know he is the one, if I’ve never dated anyone before?
Knowing if someone is ‘the one’ is more a feeling than anything else. It’s a complete feeling of love and devotion – that you want to give this person everything you are and you trust that they’ll do the same for you.

Knowing someone is ‘the one’ doesn’t usually come from comparisons – though comparisons do help.

Sometimes I think that maybe this is how anybody feels when in a relationship, maybe I’d feel this way with any boy I would date? Maybe he’s not so special?
I can guarantee you that you won’t feel like this with EVERYONE. However, I can guarantee you that there are people out there who you would feel very similar with.

I have fallen in love 3 times in my life. The first time was with my first girlfriend – at the time, I thought I loved her so much and she was my everything. We were together for 4 years, until I finally realized that she was not the one.

My second love was in college. We were so young, free spirited, and had an amazing 3-month relationship (3 months was all it took for me to know that I loved this girl). We had such a beautiful relationship and I learned so much from it. She introduced me to new types of music, art, and interesting people. Unfortunately, life circumstances did not allow us to continue our relationship – we’re still friends to this day.

The feeling of “what if” will not go away. If you’re curious about other people right now, the curiosity will only increase later on in life.

In my honest opinion, you need to explore the world and experience other people. Two of my closest friends have done this and say it’s the best thing they’ve done. They were in a 5-year relationship, hit 26, and realized they were each other’s first boyfriend and girlfriend. They didn’t want to go through life with the curiosity of wondering what it would be like with other people.

They decided to mutually break up and experience life. If it’s meant to be, then they’ll get back together.

Good luck!!! Let me know how things go

Reply

John November 9, 2011 at 12:47 pm

I was at your stage once too, same feeling and opinions. Unfortuantly I quickly realized the truth and that women will change their man when they let their guard down while men will hope their women will never change. In other words, I started digging and learning more about women and ended up in more shock and realized what they are capable. As for “love”, it is just a chemical reaction which is also why it fades away.

But, good luck!

Reply

seo January 31, 2012 at 10:56 am

Howdy! This post could not be written any better! Reading through this post reminds me of my previous room mate! He always kept talking about this. I will forward this post to him. Pretty sure he will have a good read. Many thanks for sharing!

Reply

dylan February 7, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Hey just wanted some advice I’m a 16 year old boy and I have a girlfriend at 14. We have been in a relationship for nearly a year now. Our year anniversary is 19th of this month. Just I really feel scared sometimes, of the our future because we are young. We both talk about getting married and kids and we do love each other very much and I know you guys are talking about this is too young to be ‘the one’ but I genuinely think she is. We do have fights…some stupid ones and some reason because we care. I care. But I think it might be the stage in her life with periods and that. But she seems to get pissed off and is snappy sometimes, E.g.
She said that she wanted to snuggle and kiss gok wan the gay fashion designer.
I told her off saying that I didn’t like it and she said calm down he’s gay I don’t swing that way and I have no chance.
I didn’t know what to make of it but she fell out with me the entire night because I told her I didn’t like what she said…
I mean I never mean to annoy her, I never do that and maybe I get on her a bit with the music she listens to but that’s irrelevant. Plus she gets snappy as in…really dry texts. Texts boys with ‘<3′ and ‘d’awww’. And “Mr” she does flirt a bit…I know and doesn’t bother me I trust her just I’ve explained this a few times to her and she says don’t be daft I love you and wouldn’t do that to you. Its natural for me to get protective over her and just say to her that she’s mine…not as in property or social status but my girl. Also when I do these telling offs she always come back with…Christ I was just kiddin’ Jeeso dylan am I not allowed to have friends.
And I say yes! As many as you want but I don’t want flirting with other guys. Cause I care about us. She hugged me and kissed me when I said this.
Just were happy and we do have ups and downs…Mostly ups.
Just I am concerned of the future. I wanna do everything I can to make sure we are still together and love each other. I know its hard work and I’m willing to do it, also I’m prepared for arguments and fights and changes and times where we are upset.

Reply

Jun Loayza February 7, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Hey Dylan,

My first relationship was when I was 16 – my girlfriend was 16 as well.

We had a similar experience: we told each other “I love you”, we talked about marriage, we chatted about how many kids we want, and a bunch of other stuff.

We dated for 3 years. I made her a priority and unfortunately didn’t do as well in school as I should have.

At the end of the three years, we went to separate colleges so I broke it off.

-

If I could do it all over again, I would not have a longterm relationship in high school. Sure, it’s good to have a girlfriend and experience it; however, you should both understand from the beginning that it’s not something serious – as in not something that will lead to marriage.

It’s important to have fun, take care of each other, respect each other, and be supportive of what you guys want.

Talk about marriage and kids is pointless. The girl you meet in high school will not be the girl you marry.

Enjoy your freedom. During high school, you should be selfish and prepare yourself to do amazing things in the world: learn a new language, learn to code, find an internship, learn an artistic skill.

During college, your goal is to explore and experience as many unique things as possible. It’s possible to do all of this in a relationship, but it’s extremely hard because she will always be holding you back in some way.

-

My sincere advice is to respect and take care of your current girlfriend; however, get it out of your mind that you’re going to marry this girl.

Do what you want right now, but always make sure that you’re being product and improving yourself personally, mentally, and physically.

If she makes you happy, then stay with her as long as you’re happy.

If she makes you unhappy, then it’s time to break up. There’s no point in dragging on an unhappy relationship.

Good luck and let me know how it goes!

Reply

Krystal February 15, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Hey, sorry I don’t no your name but I need a little advise. I’m 21 years old, I be 22 on May 7. I’m the oldest of six siblings. My parents got married real young when they were 19 and they are still married. They got separated last year but still married but anyways, I always thought being the oldest sucks because I’m suppose show a good e ample to my younger siblings. But me being 21 I just don’t have any direction in life, I never did and scared I might not ever. I’m not good at anything and have no interests or goals. I don’t even no how to drive, to tell u the truth I’m scared. I still staying at home, which I don’t mind but I’m not working and finding a job is not always easy, And the reason I wont dare go back to school is because I’m not very smart when it comes to learning. I cant’ stay focused. I feel immature in general sometimes. i am really embarrassed by this problem. Sometimes I feel like I will never find a guy to truly love me for me, or someone who really cares to stand by me the whole way threw. I just feel like a lil girl who’s lost. And being 21 i should have alot going on for myself which I don’t, I have nothing.

Reply

Jun Loayza February 15, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Hey Krystal, I’m sending you a response via email. We can chat their privately.

Reply

Henry Woodside March 13, 2012 at 11:37 pm

My first girlfriend is the one that I am dateing right now!! me and her have been going out for 6 months already and I got a really good feeling that she is the one. and congrats for you!!!

Reply

Michael July 1, 2012 at 12:33 am

Hey Jun, dude, like many others, your post struck a chord with me. But recently I’ve been doubting my relationship with my gf coz things have changed a little and I’d like to have your take on it.

Recently I chanced upon her Facebook and found out that she’s been going out with some guy whom she has known for more than a decade. Now i have no problems with it until I realised on that day she told me she was going to sleep so we said our goodnights but on her Facebook she was actually outside with this guy until past midnight and got home in the morning. She was also telling her other best friend about this guy and said “we almost kissed but he didn’t proceed” and I was stunned when I read this. I confronted her about it and she denied, saying that there was no such thing. Then I told her I saw her post and she accused me of invading her privacy. A few hours later, the post was deleted and she told me if I wanted to insist on her “cheating” then we should break up.

I tried to just tell myself that I misinterpreted the post and everything went back to normal for us, except, now she always carries her mobile phone with us wherever she goes and when I joked that I won’t be seeing her phone, she said “I just like having my phone with me”.

A few days later, I chanced upon this blog that she had (which she had never told me about) and I saw that in 90% of her posts, one of her best guy friends always commented on her posts. I joked that he seems to be very interested in her but she just shot back and said he and her have known each other since they were kids and if there was anything between us, it would’ve already happened.She also said whether I believe it or not, she has already explained herself clearly and if I still want to ask her about her friends and her chats/posts, we should just break up.

We used to talk about being together and get a house etc but now she tells me she’s not a person who likes to think ahead, rather, she lives each day as it is as no one knows the future, which I agree, but I think when 2 people are committed it’s only natural that they’d want to talk about the future as well.

What should I do now?

Reply

Jun Loayza July 1, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Hey Michael, great to hear from you.

Sounds like your girlfriend is trying to distance herself from you and trying to create reasons to breakup.

Relationships are build on trust – if you can’t trust each other, then it won’t work out.

You need to both be very honest with each other. Let her know how you feel about her secrets and how you feel when she’s hanging out with guys late at night.

Healthy couples should not need to hide anything from each other. It’s important to each have your space and privacy, but you need to be honest with each other. If she wants to hang out with her guy friends at night, then she needs to tell you because you’d like to know.

If you’re not ok with that, then perhaps you’re not meant to be together right now.

I believe that the immediate next step is to sit down with her and be honest about how you feel. It’s important to have your privacy and space, but make sure to stay honest.

Good luck!

Reply

Emma July 15, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Hello Jun,

I just happened to stumble upon this article (thanks, Google!) and I want to say that this is the best piece of relationship advice I’ve ever read. I don’t even know you and I’m rooting for you and Kim. Congratulations!

I am seeking some advice regarding my new relationship. I’m 22 years old, and I’ve never had a serious boyfriend. I’ve only had a fling with a guy for a few months at the very beginning of this year and I knew he was just that, a “fling”. I’ve always considered myself to be an extremely logical person, most likely to a fault regarding relationships. We went on a few dates in February but I knew we would have to split ways once college ended. He we going to be 1000 miles away and I definitely wanted a clean start for my graduate school experience. I was proud of myself for not falling for the first guy that showed interest. My gut told me that he was not one for the long term and sure enough, he wasn’t at all right for me.

Literally on the last night of college, I met this guy who was my best friend’s cousin. We instantly clicked and decided that even though we were moving back home for the summer (both of us are from Houston) we would try to see each other. We dated for a month, driving back and forth across town to meet, and then he asked if I wanted to make things official. I had no hesitation because he made me smile with every look, every call, every text message. At the time, I thought about going to graduate school with someone would would be about a 3 hour drive away. This guy seemed worth it; I didn’t want to see anyone else.

Now, we have been “official/exclusive” for a month (dating for 2 months total). He’s been gone on a trip for the past 2 weeks and it’s given me some time to think. He has already mentioned future things we could do together so I know he’s falling for me, that’s not in question. My only question is about myself: is it normal to fall so hard and so fast for someone? I read through your post “list” and I could definitely say that we cover everything. The logical side of myself is terrified that he could be it for me. How do I know that this will last? How long did it take you to know Kim was the girl for you? I’ve only had the one fling to compare this relationship to, and I know it feels completely different.

I guess that I’m worried that I care about him so much already, I’m afraid I’ll break his heart if something goes wrong. I know it’s way way way too early to be thinking about these things in a 1-month relationship. However, the thought of making it work and going to graduate school a decent distance away is scary too. I’m just going to have to wait and see I guess. I have absolutely no clue what I should be feeling or doing.

Thank you so much for this article, I really loved it.

Reply

Jun Loayza July 15, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Hey Emma, I wrote this post 2 years after dating Kim. By two years, I felt that I knew she was the one.

After 4 years of dating, Kim and I finally moved in together in Mountain View, CA. Everything was going great for a couple of month, but then all of a sudden we started getting on each other’s nerve. We started getting into daily fights, and we started to doubt if we could make it work. Living together really opens your eyes to your relationship and lets you see the person you love in a new light.

But we were able to work through the hard times and make it back again to the good times. We’re almost 5 years into our relationship, and I can finally say that I know for sure we’re going to get married and have a family. We started dating at 22, and now we’re both 27.

You can’t know for certain that the person you love is “the one” until you get through a real big fight, until you live together, and until you both are on the same page about your 5-year and 10-year goals.

Questions I have for you:

1. Have you had a REAL BIG fight yet?
2. Do you plan to live together anytime soon?
3. What are your 5-year and 10-year goals?

The three questions above will help you determine if the love you have right now will last a lifetime.

Reply

the great December 12, 2012 at 9:06 am

hey sounds great, are you 2 married already? and second question is it normal that a girl wants to finish a relationship for everytime we have a big fight?

Reply

Audra January 4, 2013 at 8:28 am

Awesome article! Kim looks so cute. Both are good-looking.

Reply

trinity August 2, 2013 at 1:02 am

Hi Jun,
that’s sweet but makes me jealous. I am 35 yo. single and a good person (don’t mess around and loyal to one). After 3 relationships in the past that didn’t work out, I finally met the guy I ended up falling in love with and can’t explain why he just had the qualities I was looking for and I just had so much fun with him. plus first time I ever met someone that I tolerated so much (he’s a cancer sign moody and doesn’t express his feelings). Well turns out he doesn’t feel the same way though he still keeps in touch with me and flirts a lot. He is 28 yo. and confused but I just feel that it is so unfair that I waited all this time to finally have that feeling of truly loving someone and always wanting to be around them and I am not getting it in return. I have great qualities and never had this issue in the past. Is there a way to win a man’s heart in general or is it relative. I don’t want to be with anyone else honestly. huh…
sincerely,
hopelessly in love
ps. I want to start a dropshipping ecommerce and will be looking at your books. Just have some questions I don’t see your ecommerce store. did you sell it?

Reply

Jun Loayza August 2, 2013 at 10:10 am

Hi Trinity, thanks so much for the comment!

It’s cliché, but I believe you just have to be yourself. You shouldn’t try any tricks to win a person’s heart. Be loving, caring, and put in as much effort as you truly want; if that love is not reciprocated, then it’s just not the right fit.

There are no tricks to it.

Yea, we’re moving MR to a new host so it’s down for a couple of days. Let me know how I can help you with the drop shipping site!

Reply

Ebenezer August 22, 2013 at 12:45 pm

Hello..thank you for the tips and are you and Kim still together?

Reply

Jun Loayza August 22, 2013 at 1:04 pm

Yup! We’re engaged :)

http://junandkim.com/

Reply

Sokuds September 26, 2013 at 11:24 am

Great Post. I chanced upon it while looking at something else, and I am very happy for the two of you! I’ve been looking to understand men better in their romantic relationships, and your post made a lot of sense. Too often the ones we don’t care about are the ones we never fight with or for. But the same holds true in the other extreme. The ones we fight with too much as well, the stupid small fights are not the one either I think.
Have any friends in Ohio?

Reply

Dimple Eugenio December 16, 2013 at 7:28 am

Hi Jun,

I love this blog so much. Can I get a little help from you?
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and we love each other as far as I can see. I exerted much effort to have a romantic relationship. One day, I asked him on what is the sweetest thing I have done for him. He said, the surprised in a hotel. Then he said “I am sorry if I cannot do anything special unlike what you do to me, because I am not yet sure if you are the one. I want to do the best to the girl if I am sure she is the one.” I am so confused, do I deserve this? I think this is too unfair. Any advice will help…

Reply

Jun Loayza December 16, 2013 at 9:16 am

Hey Dimple Eugenio, I’ll respond to you via email.

Reply

ilochonwu obinna December 24, 2013 at 10:11 am

hello,I’m 16,i know maybe teenagers dont fall in love but actually I want to.I always like girls dat seem beautiful to me and I have been in some relationships but I met Doris 14,we LIKE each other.I want to stick to her and I can only do so if I know she’d the one.Pls,how do I go about it?

Reply

Nick Rizzuto January 25, 2014 at 7:59 am

Hi Jun I would to discuss my current relationship with you because I do have some questions and I don’t know how to answer them.

Reply

Jun Loayza January 25, 2014 at 2:18 pm

What questions do you have?

Reply

dora February 2, 2014 at 12:53 am

I was married for 8years with out any child,because of this my husband start acting very strange at home,coming home late and not spending time with me any more.So i became very sad and lost in life because my doctor told me there is no way for me to get pregnant this really make life so hard for me and my family.my sister in law told me about Prophet Osaze from the Internet,how he has helped people with this similar problem that i am going through so i contacted him and explain to him.he cast a spell and it was a miracle three days later my husband can back to apologize for all he has done and told me he is fully ready to support me in any thing i want,few month later i got pregnant and gave birth to twins (girls) we are happy with ourselves. Thanks to Prophet Osaze for saving my relationship and for also saving others too. continue your good work, If you are interested to contact him and testify this blessings like me, the great spell caster email address:spirituallove@hotmail. com

Reply

Mara February 2, 2014 at 12:57 am

Am mara, i base in USA. i had problem with my ex boy friend some months ago. And he was cheating on me which hurt me badly,and he was also avoiding me,He no longer pick my calls.I was totally confused cos i don’t know what to do.There was a day i was surfing the internet i came in contact with this spell caster who have helped so many people in their relationship.So i contacted him and explain everything to him.And he told me to do some things,I did the correctly.To cut it short.My ex boy friend gave me a call and said to me that we should have a date,i agreed.On the date,He was begging me to have him back and i agreed we are now together as one again,Planing our wedding.thank you Prophet Osaze. meet him via his email; spirituallove@hotmail. com

Reply

Pat April 18, 2014 at 1:56 pm

Hey man, i just kinda stumbled across this article and like a lot of other people it struck a chord with me. I guess im in need of some advice.
I’ve been dating this girl for 2 and a half years, were both 21 and she loves me a lot and talks about how she wants to get married and have kids once we both graduate, but i find myself extremely attracted to other girls and having a “girl on the side” that i don’t do anything sexual with but we definitely flirt pretty heavily, to the point where i’ve even received a few nude pics. i guess im just wondering that, even though i feel like she’s not the one right now, can that feeling change over time, she really is a great girl and i feel like i’m just being super selfish. should i stay with her and wait til i realize she’s the one? what if i break up and never meet anyone as good as her? or should i go see what else is out there and discover what i really want.

sorry this so long

Reply

Jun Loayza April 20, 2014 at 11:33 pm

Hey Pat, great to hear from you.

I’ve felt the same way many times, and I feel its natural for men to feel this way. I believe the reason we feel this way is because we seek validation from other women. We want to feel wanted, we want to feel like we can still get women, and we like the attention. In this way, we’re insecure, selfish, and are at the mercy of seeking validation from others.

To transcend this state of insecurity, men need to mature and give their all to the person they’re with. Only then will you know that the person you’re with is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

If you’re with your girl, be with your girl. Give her EVERYTHING you have, emotionally and physically. Be the best boyfriend you can be and try your hardest to make it work. If you guys stay together for ever, then it’s meant to be. If you guys break up, then it’s because you weren’t meant for each other, and not because you didn’t try hard enough.

Good luck.

Reply

JunLoayza April 29, 2009 at 8:31 pm

hahaha, where do you live? Maybe you should come to Vegas with my friends and me next weekend

Reply

Jenna May 20, 2009 at 3:32 pm

I’m with Kristina on this one.

You have any friends in Ohio? haha

Reply

Kristina May 20, 2009 at 4:15 pm

So, Jun, I just now saw your comment back to me, so I think I missed the Vegas trip. Opps. But in answer to your question, I live in San Diego.

And Jenna, thank you for having my back! Glad I am not alone.

Reply

JunLoayza April 29, 2009 at 8:46 pm

You should definitely hang out with us! If you’re not in SoCal, we can always hang out on Skype! I’ve been doing it a lot more often and it’s such a great way to really get to know each other better.

Just checked out your blog and I think you have something really great going on. Keep it up!

Reply

{ 4 trackbacks }

Previous post:

Next post: