A necessary empty feeling
We have made more progress in the past 3 weeks than in any other point in time in our startup lives. We’re closing deals, setting up investor pitches, and finishing the product.
I should be ecstatic right now; I should be on a total high because we’re so close to hitting a milestone that we’ve never hit before: a finished product that is bringing in revenue for the company.
And yet, I’m not fully enjoying myself.
I’ve talked about this before, as for a time I felt like I couldn’t pursue what I loved to do. But I can tell you honestly and whole-heartedly right now that I am loving my career choice.
So what is it? What’s causing the empty feeling…
The answer: I’m missing my other half - Life just isn’t complete without Kim beside me.
The special things I miss about Kim Ear:
I miss going to the super market and buying groceries to cook at home together. I would broil the Salmon while Kim tosses the salad. We’re an awesome cooking sensation!
I miss renting a movie from Redbox. Kim is indecisive when choosing a movie, so I’d get frustrated because we’re holding up the line with 5 people waiting behind us.
I miss our Disneyland annual pass even though I hate Disneyland. Kim would get so excited about going, and by the end of the day, she’d be sad because all I’d do is complain that Disneyland is a big waste of time. I promise to work harder on enjoying the moment.
I miss watching bands live. The best live show I saw with Kim was Lykke Li. Kim promised me about a year ago that she’d take me to go watch Dengue Fever; she has yet to fulfill it 
I miss spooning. Kim is a cuddle monster who would win a Gold medal if snuggling was an Olympic sport.
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I know that at our age we’re suppose to put our careers first before anything else. That I should wait and I have a successful startup before Kim and I decide to move in together.
But how I want to ask her to leave her career behind in Southern California and move in with me in Northern California.
But this empty feeling is necessary. It’s necessary for my startup to succeed.
The benefits of a long distance relationship for entrepreneurs
1. Save money because you just don’t go out
I don’t date up here in Northern California, so I save A LOT of money because I don’t take girls out to dinner and buy them gifts.
Secondly, when I go out with my friends, I save a lot of money because I don’t buy girls drinks and I don’t buy a lot of drinks myself because I’m usually the designated driver.
Furthermore, I just don’t go out to clubs or lounges that much anymore because I’m a single guy with a startup to take care of. I can’t pick up girls when I’m out and I have a lot of work to do on my startup, so I prefer to stay at home and hang out with Stephen (the CTO).
2. No more distractions
Since the girlfriend is at home, I can get by with eating peanut butter and jelly and not cooking a REAL, nutritious meal. I don’t need to take anyone to the movies, spend time renting a movie and watching it at home, or spend quality relationship time at the mall, at the park, or at a museum. Don’t get me wrong, I love the quality time, but since Kim is not up here, I’m not “required” to do it.
3. The time you do spend together is appreciated so much more
I see Kim about once a month. The time that we do spend together is appreciated so much more because we don’t get to see each other every day. Everything from shopping together to sex is experienced that much more passionately because we’re apart most of the time.
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Relationships are rarely talked about in the startup world. It’s all about building the strong team, getting funding, or keeping it simple stupid. But I feel that the ability to maintain a healthy, passionate relationship with the person you love while building a startup is crucial to the success of the startup.
To all the girlfriends (and boyfriends) who lovingly support the entrepreneur who you’re with, I salute you! Thank you for being understanding and allowing us to take risks. Thank you for understanding why the startup has to be the number 1 priority.
Thank you Kim.
You’re right, relationships aren’t talked about that much in the startup world. I would love to read more articles and posts from entrepreneurs who talk about their relationships and how they make them work (or maybe don’t?)
My last boyfriend and I were 1) long distance and 2) BOTH worked at startups. Oh what a combination. Although as you state, long distance can be somewhat analogous to an entrepreneur/startup life you have to have an “end date” or “end goal” in mind, or else you will both eventually go crazy.
I firmly believe, (after doing long distance for more than a year) that it isn’t natural. Humans are meant to interact, be together in person, share, take care of each other, etc. and long distance wears people down. I do think it makes you stronger and that inevitably, it happens with a lot of couples at some point in their relationship.
Great post, Jun! And of course, best of luck with the startup and in continuing to cultivate your beautiful relationship with Kim
Wow, long distance and both on startups… sounds like it was very difficult.
I know what you mean. It’s hard not having Kim here with me, and I try to visit her at least once a month. I’m actually flying her up in the end of May!
My very very close friend recently broke up with his girlfriend because of the long distance. Kim and I are going strong, and I’m confident that we’re going to just come out stronger because of this.
When are you going to be in Northern California? Hit me up when you’re here
Awww, I love this post! Especially because I’ve had the great pleasure of meeting Kim and I know that she’s every bit as amazing as you say she is!
You’re so sweet Jenny
So Kim is coming back up the end of May. Lets all hang out again soon!
Glad to hear that your company have made progress these days, and you can still keep the balance between relationship and startup.
I don’t have much experience on relationship, but it is a nice thing seeing you and your beautiful girlfriend going stronger.
Thanks Vincent.
She is very beautiful
I’m not an entrepreneurs and I don’t have a startup, but what you are talking about applies to my situation and a lot of others I’d bet.
As a college graduate trying to settle in to a new job, volunteer my time at NGO’s and nonprofits, and trying to blog consistently I am having difficulties balancing those things with my girlfriend and friends.
It’s hard to make your significant other understand that the reason you work so hard is to make as many opportunities as you possible can. And I’m doing all this stuff for “us” in the end. I’m so balls out about this stuff because I want to have a secure, balanced, and happy life TOGETHER.
I actually had a talk last night with my gf about this very topic. It lifted a great weight off my shoulders. Before she thought I was just being selfish, but she now believes that these things I do set me up for more opportunities in the future and make me happy/fulfilled.
I love your blog because of posts like these. Thanks Jun
Cameron, keep working hard bro. I commend you for working so hard to live a happy life together, and always remember that it just doesn’t have to be a big pay off at the end. Enjoy the process and the path to your big success with her, and make her as much a part of your startup as she wants to be.
You’ll be surprised, come loves to be a part of my startup; well, to the extent that I tell her everything that is going on and I sometimes ask her for advice
Yo Jun, I’ll be your other half if you want, and if I can get a hall pass to be let out of the house
You’re right… the time apart makes the time together THAT MUCH BETTER! Thank goodness u guys are in the same time zone and state. Imagine if she was in NYC, or in a foreign country.
Strive on buddy!
Sam
Hahaha… you can come over any time
Kim is actually thinking of going to NYC for her career!
Yikes!!!
It’s great to see your take on this whole thing Jun. I decided to take a plunge on doing this ‘on your own’ stuff 1 week before my wedding last October.
My wife said to be 1 week ago ‘Was our first 6 months of being married supposed to be like this?’
Like this is working over 60 hours a week, rarely stopping to do anything besides work, work, work. And it shouldn’t be like that.
I’m not sure that there ever is a good time to be married/with a gf and to run your own business. It’s not that my wife doesn’t support me, it’s just that she sees the business as not spending time with her, and who could blame her.
It’s something that evolves over time, but when you take that step, just be ready for what the future holds.
That’s a super crucial time to decide to go out on your own. What made you do it 1 week before the wedding?
What are you working on right now?