Women: A Hero’s Grave
(or Men: A Heroine’s Grave)
My friend Yu-kai Chou and I have this theory. The theory is that “Women are a hero’s grave.”
A Hero is someone who goes out into the world on an epic quest, and on this epic quest he saves people, villages, slays demons, dragons, and lives a life to accomplish great things. His great deeds are not for himself; rather, his work saves the lives of people around him and he makes the world a better place to live in. Because the Hero is out there slaying dragons and rescuing damsels in distress, he is creating a better world.
But what happens when the Hero falls in love? Once the Hero falls in love, he becomes completely consumed by the woman. He breathes, sleeps, and lives for her and her every dying wish. The Hero will hang up his sword and shield just to spend all day with his love lying in the sun and living a care free life.
If the Hero suddenly realizes that he should go save a town by slaying a dragon, his love will just pull him back into her arms and all of the Hero’s epic desires will quickly fade away once again. You see, the Hero is no longer living a life trying to make the world a better place to live. He is now content with the way the world is and nothing exists outside of his love.
Running a company is like being a Hero. You’re creating something new, going out on an adventure, and have many obstacles in your way that you must overcome. If you succeed, you will have created a (hopefully positive) difference in this world and you will be remembered for your great accomplishments.
Like the Hero above, I have a Love. She is very understanding of what I am doing and trying to accomplish. She is supportive in every way, and does not let me hang up my sword and shield. However, continuing on your quest takes much more than the support of your Love. It takes tremendous self-discipline and unrelenting self-motivation. There are countless times when I force myself not to go out with my girlfriend or when I force myself to get out of bed when we’re cuddling.
I feel that I have found the perfect relationship because Kim (my girlfriend) respects and understands the quest that I have chosen to take. And at the same time, I have the discipline and self-control to keep moving forward even though the temptations are so great.
So before you go out and embark on your epic quest as an etrepreneur, really take the time to understand what you will be giving up and what kind of discipline that you will need in order to succeed.
I agree that your significant other needs to completely support you in your quest for you to be successful.
But without a supportive significant other, there are all kinds of other things to distract heroes, many of which are much worse than loving arms to welcome him/her home at night.
I actually gave up entrepreneurship (full-time entr., that is) because my wife just doesn’t trust it. She likes a steady paycheck. Luckily, I’m a pretty flexible person who decided going the corporate route would be just as worthwhile, though with different pros and cons.
Oh, I totally feel ya. I’m three months into a new relationship and everything’s gone to hell. I kept a rigorously packed schedule, and now I do so little I feel guilty even saying I have a business.
Your post reminds me that the onus is on me. My significant other is incredibly supportive, and my entrepreneurial spirit is a big part of why he fell in love with me. I’m the one who’s become lazy. Thanks for the kick in the pants!
I think that this applies to not just the entrepreneurial types. The summer I was a lawyer and a girlfriend at the same time I was completely at my wits end. But maybe that is because I tend to try to be really good at everything, and it is hard to do both when they place demands on the same hours of the day. I don’t know if you can be 100% into giving your significant other all you can and 100% into your career. And then have all of life’s other obligations/do anything else. There aren’t that many percentage points to go around
In some ways, I think that it is a false choice to pit love against entrepreneurship. Both experience add and reinforce your strengths in the other. I don’t think that it is necessary to have them be all or nothing.
Jun, great article. I get so annoyed when people use their careers as an excuse for why they don’t have meaningful relationships, or vice versa. If you can’t have a successful career and a successful home life the problem is your time management skills.
At the end of the day, a business is just a business. It’s not going to offer support when things go wrong, celebrate with you when you triumph, tell you unpleasant truths you need to hear, or other things that your love will.
There’s millions of tales of enterpreneurs who sacrificed all for their dreams of success, only to leave a trail of broken hearts and families in their wake. The old slogan, “Nobody lay on their deathbed, wishing they’d spent more time at work” is still true today.
“There are countless times when I force myself not to go out with my girlfriend or when I force myself to get out of bed when we’re cuddling.”
You may see it as self-discipline, but it can also be interpreted as a sign of disrespect. If it’s really love, you’ll find the time to be with her and not be forced to drag yourself away from her arms when she wants to express her love for you. Be careful to keep such episodes to a minimum. Time management is going to be crucial.
And what happens if she is not only supportive, but actually wants to participate in helping shape your dream into reality? If this is so important to you, I can imagine she would want to participate in it as well. That’s going to open up another can of worms.
Just a few thoughts.
It can be quite difficult to maintain a balance between a career and your love. My fiance and I work closely together in ensuring that we help each other with all of our endeavors. We also have a son so it becomes a juggle to make sure that we have time as a couple, a family and just for ourselves. I totally understand what you mean though about not wanting to leave your honey. I sometimes wake up not wanting to go to work because his arms are so comfortable around me. But I think its awesome that you have someone who sees your ambition as a strength rather than a relationship inhibitor. Good luck with everything!
I think you have an interesting point here. There’s truth in love sometimes “distracting” you from your business goals, but at the same time, I work at a nursing home, and not one of those elderly individuals look back to when they made that great deal at work. They look back to when they were cuddling with their significant other. It’s all about what your priorities are.
And like you said, hopefully you can have a situation where you can succeed in both spheres.
This is so true. The picture made me laugh. I’ve been notorious for letting the city burn, while I romance away at times. Sounds like you’ve been able to strike that balance pretty well.
Hey Tony, I am very lucky that my girlfriend understands my life style.
I’m telling you, you gotta make it out here to Hollywood. I’ll introduce you to some really “nice” friends
- Jun