Which would you choose: Work vs Family

by Jun Loayza on April 6, 2009

work vs family
Photo by Shes_Jack

Statistics show that 9 out of 10 businesses fail.  Heck, I have already failed several times, so I only have a few more startups to go before I make it big, right?

I don’t think it’s that simple.  It can’t just be a numbers game; there has to be an X-factor that all successful entrepreneurs have that others do not.  There has to be a reason why some entrepreneurs make it, and others go crawling back to the corporate world.

My parents have been divorced since I was 10 years old.  I’m not sad about it anymore; I actually think it was for the better.  Since the age of 10, my brother and I have visited my Dad every Sunday to spend the day with him.  Every Sunday we have gone to my Dad’s to eat dinner with him, rent a movie, and spend a few precious moments learning from his experience.

Because I spent my Sundays with my Dad, I would usually reserve my Saturdays for my Mom and Thursday and Friday nights would be when my friends and I would hang out.  Things were solid, my life was balanced, and everyone was happy.

[showmyads]

Enter the Startup Life

Ever since I started Future Delivery, the time that I am able to devote to my family, friends, and girlfriend has significantly diminished.  The reason is pretty simple: I work until 2am most nights and work on weekends as well.

I went to San Francisco this week for the Web 2.0 Conference.  Naturally, my girlfriend missed me and expected to hang out with me once I got back.  But unfortunately, I had to cancel our Sunday evening and Monday morning hang out because I have so much work to do tonight.  There was no way that I could have gotten everything done today if she had come over.

I had to cancel on my family dinner with my Dad as well.  My aunt and my dad made sashimi just for me this week because they know how much I love it.  And even though I really wanted to go, I knew that I couldn’t because I just didn’t have the time tonight to be away from my laptop.

This got me thinking: “Am I a terrible person?  Am I being selfish for choosing work over my loved ones?”

I suddenly had an image of the movie Click with Adam Sandler.  In the movie, Adam Sandler is a workaholic who consistently chooses his career over his family until they finally leave him and he’s left with nothing but his millions of dollars and his CEO position.  Though he achieved everything he wanted in his career, he was left alone and unhappy.

What Twitter Peeps have to say

I started feeling like a complete douche bag.  I pictured my Aunt, Dad, and Brother sitting around the dinner table eating their lovely sashimi without me.  I pictured my girlfriend lying alone in her bed watching the latest episode of Rock of Love (man I hate that show).  Am I a loser for choosing my work over my loved ones?  I had to ask Twitter this question: “Who would you choose: Work vs Family/Signficant Other”

@20orsomething: Family, hands down.  Family – whatever family you make for yourself – will always be there for you, even when work might not be

@norcross: family wins everytime. not even a debate

@hakimsonsfilms: I’m a small business owner and family is always first

@sparklytosingle: what kind of person would pick work over family and relationships?

[Luckily, I did find some people that chose my lifestyle]

@brianlinton: I’ve chosen work over my fam before – the key is having their support

@nikipaniki: Work. Family would always understand

An overwhelming majority of people who responded on Twitter would choose their family over their work.  So does this mean I’m the worst son and worst boyfriend to ever walk this earth?

There can be no balance

You cannot please everyone; you cannot have a successful startup while devoting your time to family, friends, and your significant other.  You can only choose one. This is what I feel separates the successful entrepreneurs with the wannabe entrepreneurs:

The Wannabe Entrepreneur cannot give up his apartment, movies, eating out, or current lifestyle

vs

The Successful Entrepreneur cuts costs by moving back home, cooking instead of eating out, hulu instead of watching movies, and cuts costs in every way possible even if it means an uncomfortable lifestyle

The Wannabe Entrepreneur tries to maintain a 9-5, 40-hour work week

vs

The Successful Entrepreneur works from 8am – 2am every day, including the weekends

The Wannabe Entrepreneur tries to please everyone and gives into peer pressure

vs

The Successful Entrepreneur says no to friends, family, and the girlfriend, even on a Friday night

I met up with my good friend Neil Patel about a month ago and we spoke about his experiences as a successful entrepreneur.  I asked him about his friends from High School and this is what he told me:

“I’m no longer close friends with anyone from high school.  Not that we got into any fights or anything, but we just didn’t have the same life goals.”

Is this my future?  I WANT to become a successful entrepreneur and rule the world, but what is the price that I must pay?  Do I really have to give up my best friends and girlfriend just so that I can have a successful startup?

What are you willing to sacrifice?

A very important characteristic of a successful young entrepreneur is the ability to sacrifice everything to create a successful company.

How much am I willing to sacrifice?

  • Would I sacrifice all future dinners with my Dad on Sundays? “Yes”
  • Would I sacrifice hanging out with my high school or UCLA friends at bars, clubs, or even weekend basketball games? “Yes”
  • If my company received funding to move up to Silicon Valley, would I jeopardize my relationship with Kim by doing a long-distance relationship? “Yes”

Does every entrepreneur have to make these sacrifices in order to become successful?  I honestly believe we do.

The X Factor

Andrew Warner said it best: “If you live and die in the corporate world, no one will ever remember your name!

My biggest fear is to be forgotten.  People ask me how I’m able to work on so many projects at the same time (which I will answer in detail on a later post).  Whenever someone asks me this question, I turn around and ask him this one: “How are you NOT able to work on multiple projects at once?”

After a year and a half of being a full-time entrepreneur, I now understand the X Factor.  It is the relentless, unwavering devotion to the success of your company.

If you devote every second of your time, every ounce of sweat in your body into the success of your company, I promise you that you will succeed. If you do nothing but work every single moment of your life, your startup will reach success.

Is it worth it?

Some people are happy having a stable job, steady income, and loving family.  I want more.

I want to be remembered as a man who made a positive impact on this earth.  When I die, I want my name to live on and to be talked about in history books. I want my grandchildren’s ‘ grandchildren to be known as the great, great, grandchildren of the Jun Loayza.

Yes, for me it is worth it, because I will be a successful entrepreneur.

It’s 2am on a Sunday evening (or Monday morning to be exact) and I still have to finish editing Nisha’s Awesome Bloggers episode, not to mention finishing Blog Pushup.  I’ve been sitting in front of this laptop ALL day, and I still have 2 hours of work ahead of me.  Can you work as hard as me?

Discussion: What’s more important to you: stable life with a happy family or being remembered in the history books?

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  • http://www.chuwe.com Sean Grove

    Hey Jun,

    It’s a tough lifestyle, but when you enjoy what you’re doing it’s easier. And you obviously love what you’re doing.

    I wonder about the long work hours though – I work like that for my startup, and it’s hard to keep track of the hours that are actually productive. I generally have to switch tasks (programming, writing, phone calls, etc.) every four or five hours to keep my mind from wondering.

    Wish you the best of luck.

    Sean

    Also, you didn’t include my twitter reply, you bastard! :D

    • http://Awesome.Viralogy.com Jun Loayza

      hahaha… there were so many Twitter replies that I could just choose a few. I included you on the Awesome Bloggers episode with Nisha Chittal that comes today.

      I agree. I have to mix it up a lot too. I’ll do interviews, write posts, do marketing, call clients, and plenty of other things to mix up my day.

      You meeting us up today (Monday) for dinner at Cerritos? We’re going to El Rocoto.

  • http://blog.kamalshokar.com Kamal Shokar

    I remember back in university when my dean would preach “life is no good without balance.” He would go on talking about how you should dedicate a certain amount of your day for this and that to live a fully balanced life. You get a sip of many worlds. It also prevents you from excelling at certain things. Fortunately, I never took his advice to heart since I never intended to become like him. I wanted more.

    Doing whatever it takes to succeed, is what you need in order to become a great entrepreneur. I’m 100% behind you on that one.

    On the bright side, not being able to chill with your family/friends could also work as a motivator to achieve your goals. The financial freedom associated with hitting it big would provide you with plenty of time to give to those you care about.

    • http://junloayza.com JunLoayza

      I think about that all the time: “If I just work hard enough and become successful fast, I’ll be able to spend time with my friends and family later.”

      Is that really true though? If I’m working super hard now, will I realize when I have become successful and stop?

      I really do hope so. I don’t want to turn into some obsessed workaholic who is never satisfied with his accomplishment. We can always have more; it is knowing when you are happy that is the key.

  • http://confusionmanagement.wordpress.com/ Luke – Confusion Management

    Jun,

    I’m struggling with this one. On one hand I realize that to succeed you really have to work hard, slog it out if you will.

    On the other I would really like to take time to enjoy my family.

    I look at my dad, he is a successful businessman (not really an entrepreneur, he has had one business since I was young). He worked long hours when I was growing up, but he always took time out to coach me in any sport I played, this is something that I want to do with my kids (when they arrive!)

    He did work really long hours and still works from 7 till 6 most days today, but he does take time to always have dinner with mum, and us kids when we are at home, in the same way that your parents has made time for you Jun.

    I think what @brianlinton says is true “I’ve chosen work over my fam before – the key is having their support” Support is key, I guess the old man had this from my mum when we were young as she got a job as a waitress to help pay the bills int he early days when he was getting the firm off the ground. She showed her support by working nights.

    I think he has been able to strike a real balance between work and family, this is what I aspire to, sure I want to be successful, and I would like my kids to look up to me like I do my dad.

    Great post Jun, got me really thinking!

    • http://junloayza.com JunLoayza

      Luke, you make a super good observation here. Your dad (the business man) took time out of his day to spend time with you as a child. I think this is crucial and a Dad should never neglect his children.

      My post currently focuses on the reverse perspective. The son is trying his hardest to build a successful company, and I believe that parents, friends, and girlfriend should support him to become successful.

      Nothing is possible without the support of your friends and family. After all, “Behind every great Man is an even greater Woman.”

      If you’re a parent, then family comes first. You are the pillar and you should never neglect your children.

      If you’re the child, then you need to leverage your support group to become successful.

      • Jayson Punzalan

        Jun,

        Honestly, reading your post is very timely since I’m now caught between family and work. I’m not fond of reading blogs but this really struck me. Thanks in advance.

        I’m a dad of 2 kids, by the way. My son (JJ) just turned 3 and my daughter (jazz) turned one-yr old, both just this month. My wife & I were both working at same company and it was hard to attend to family matters since we’ll be both absent for work. We tried compromising by sometimes alternately leave for work when there are important things to do back home. Until such time that we both decided that my wife will stop working to attend to our kids, and I will be the one to provide for our family. It was a very hard decision since my income as an employee was not that much to really support our expenses. But nevertheless we try patch things up. the only brighter side is that I pleased my boss with that decision (i guess) and my cut the pressure at work.

        Then this problem came. Last month my wife got hospitalized and I had to leave for work to look after her and my kids. I tried seeking help from my brothers to look over my kids and gladly they reached out. 3 days after my son was also hospitalized while my wife was still admitted in the hospital. To cut the long story, I left for work for a whole week to attend to my wife and son.

        So what happened?

        When I returned to work, my boss was a bit disappointed (as expected) and even reminded me that he also has his family to attend to but he does not allow them to disrupt him from his work responsibilities.

        Now I wonder, did I make the right choice of leaving a week’s work to attend to my family at that situation? Do we really have to choose between family and work? Hope I could get an encouraging advice.

        Thanks and more power!

      • http://www.junloayza.com Jun Loayza

        Hey Jayson,

        It’s been several years since I’ve written this post. I’m now 28 years old and have been doing startups for 6 years.

        I can tell you that choosing between work or family is no longer even a question: I always choose family and friends. It’s not that I don’t care about my startup, but I realize that life is about spending it with people that you love and doing the work that you love.

        The companies that I start or the companies that I join respect that — they understand that if I have to go to a wedding or if I want to take a Wednesday off, then I’m free to take the time off to spend it with loved ones.

        No ones dies wishing they had worked harder or made more money — the biggest regret in life is not spending enough time with loved ones.

  • http://www.lifewithoutpants.com Matt Cheuvront

    Jun. Man, I have to say I think this is a little crazy. I know you are a passionate committed driven dude, but there has to be a balance, even if you are doing everything you can to start your own company – it just doesn’t seem worth it when you throw people to the curb in favor of work and the almighty dollar.

    I agree 100% that a successful startup company takes commitment, it takes working late into the night and early into the morning, it takes sacrifice and it’s a difficult path to go down – but I don’t think any of the success you may achieve is worth disregarding the people that REALLY matter – the family, your girlfriend. I know that at the end of the day, work is still work, no matter what I’m doing, no matter how passionate I am about it, no matter how much of my life it consumes – work is still work, and in the grand scheme of things, when you REALLY take a step back and think about it, life (family, friends, relationships) holds precedence to work – every time.

    You talk A LOT about being ‘remembered’ – about being remembered for something great. It really gets me thinking about myself and what I want to be remembered for, but when I stop and think – all that really matters is what I think about myself, and what the people who really love me and care about me think. The others, they will eventually forget.

    If you haven’t already – I strongly encourage you to check out the new movie Adventureland. I won’t spoil anything but near the end of the movie one of the characters is pondering the question ‘Why does any of this matter? I’m just going to be forgotten eventually. Herbert Melville, the author of Moby Dick, was one of the most prolific authors of all time, but in his obituary, they remembered him by calling him Henry Melville. Even the greats aren’t remembered.” To this, the protagonist says – ‘Herbert wrote a 800 page book about whaling, the guy must have been a pretty passionate dude. I would be honored to be called Henry when I die.’

    What does it all mean? To me, it means that you should worry more about your personal legacy – what is YOUR ‘White Whale’? Don’t focus on everyone else saying ‘Wow, remember Matt Cheuvront – he was an amazing guy’, instead, focus on what you think about yoursef, life a self-fulfilling life, worry about what your family and others who you are close to think, worry about what your children and grand children will say about you, because in the end, that’s what really matters, those are the people who will always be there for you, as long as you let them be.

    • http://junloayza.com JunLoayza

      Does my mentality mean I’m throwing people to the curve? I don’t think I’m damaging my family in any direct way; instead, I have chosen to prioritize my work over my loved ones. I am lucky that they understand.

      I have no work/life balance because my work has become a part of my life. I’ve blogged about this before. Among my immediate, direct family, I am the “Hope.” No one else has really gone to college and gotten a degree. My mom and dad (and even grandparents) are looking at me to make it big and bring honor to the family. This is why I am so hardcore about working my life away. I don’t just do it for myself, but I do it for them too.

      If you are legendary, people do NOT forget your name. People will not forget Michael Jordan, Donald Trump, Steve Jobs, or Gary Vaynechuk. I want to reach that status.

      I guess this just boils down to different personalities. My type of personality craves praise and respect from those around me. Now, if I’m happy with myself and am true to myself, then respect from others should follow accordingly. But I don’t just want the respect of those immediately around me; I want the respect and idolization from every person on earth.

      That is my goal.

  • http://susanpogorzelski.com Susan Pogorzelski

    Matt has such a terrific response that I can’t really add much more too it; I think he hit the nail on the head and offers so much insight. But I do want to echo some of his sentiments…

    I think that a lot of people have a fear of being forgotten; they want to make some mark on the world and try to do so with their passion, with their work — whether it’s by starting a company or writing a book, they don’t want to be just another name for the census.

    I think the important thing to remember, though, is that you won’t be forgotten — not by the people who matter most. Family will always be there to support you and stand by you, and whether you succeed or fail, they’ll remember you for who you are and how you love, not the money you make or the name you call yourself.

    You have passion, Jun, and you have commitment and ambition and those are all things to be admired because they are incredible qualities. If your work makes you happy, then by all means, continue doing so. It’s what’s necessary, I understand, and part of the demand of being an entrepreneur. But if your priorities change, don’t be afraid to let them. For one, people will understand, and they definitely won’t fault you if you pull back just a little.

    Easier said than done, I know, but don’t fear that you haven’t really succeeded in life and don’t fear that you won’t be remembered. Because you’ve already made an impact on your world, and you will be remembered by those you are close to, by the relationships you form, by the family you make for yourself.

    I think you can have both…though I think the scale often tips more to one side. Maybe think about the impact you want that to have on your future; find out which really matters most.

    Wishing the very best of luck to you.

    • http://www.lifewithoutpants.com Matt Cheuvront

      @Susan – Thanks for you comment. That means a lot. You speak the truth in that we will never be forgotten by the people who matter the most. That one line speaks volumes. To you (and everyone else reading this) – I shared my thoughts in my latest post/response to this. I encourage you all to give it a read: http://www.lifewithoutpants.com/philosophy/work-vs-life-what-is-your-white-whale/

    • http://junloayza.com JunLoayza

      Susan, I was about to write one comment but then when you said “Don’t be afraid to let your priorities change” really struck me at my car.

      I am afraid of being forgotten, but at the same time, I may be even more afraid of changing priorities. I feel that changing priorities will ultimately be like admitting failure.

      I know my family will be happy if I get a simple 70K/year job and hang out with them during the weekends. I actually think my family will be happy as long that I am happy. Right?

      Or do they want more from me? I truthfully think that my family expects a lot more from me. My grandma has pulled me aside before and told me that she expects HUGE things from me (I won’t go into detail).

      My dad and mom have worked ridiculously hard so that I can have a comfortable life. I didn’t have everything in the world, but I didn’t lack anything either while growing up.

      It’s now my turn to leverage what they have sacrificed for me, so that I can become more successful than them, and in turn, pay them back for everything they have done for me.

      Thank you so much for your best wishes Susan.

  • http://politicoholic.com Nisha

    You are not the worst son and boyfriend to walk the earth. Interestingly enough though, I did notice that trend last night too that everyone responded “family” and I responded to your question but my instincts made me respond via a private DM instead of a public reply. Why? Because my response was that I would choose work, and I didnt want to say it publicly because I knew I was in the minority on that.

    I wanted to make a couple points with that before I sound like the worst person ever :) a) like I mentioned in my message – I don’t think family/significant other can be put in the same category. maybe if you’re married, they’re the same category; for me they are not the same category at all. My immediate family is important to me; being in a relationship at this point in time is not a high priority. I’m super young and being relationship right now would weight me down and keep me from doing all the things I want to do, so I’ve stayed away from any “serious” relationship. I’d choose work over a significant other (at this point in my life, anyways) any day because right now I am focused on establishing a successful career and reaching my goals. I believe you have to do that when you’re young, in your early 20s. When else are you going to? Certainly not later on when you want to have kids and get married. If I had kids and a husband, I’d understand why family should be a higher priority. But for me right now, I don’t have those kinds of things, and my family (parents) will understand if I want to work all the time, because my parents want me to establish a successful career too.

    • http://www.lifewithoutpants.com Matt Cheuvront

      Nisha – your situation is unique – in your case you don’t have other priorities that you have to consider. Me, I have been in a serious relationship for almost four years now, I’m on the verge of being engaged, and in regards to family – I’ve never had that opportunity to be close to them throughout my life because I’ve lived in another state – that won’t forever be the case, and when it isn’t, I know that I am going to want to ‘make up for lost time’ and have that closeness with family in my life.

      When it comes down to it, it’s a different situation for every single one of us. But I don’t think you have to be single without obligations to run a successful business. You can still embark on the startup life, follow you passions, and keep other things in the picture as well. It’s all one big balancing act, or even better yet, finding a way to integrate all of them into one.

      I think the point that really hit me was this idea of being ‘remembered’ for something great. I don’t think you should do something just to be remembered, just to be glorified for years to come. I think you should be motivated to remember yourself, and have the ones closest to you that matter the most say ‘Wow, he lived a great life didn’t he?’. Live in the now, life shouldn’t be worrying about how we’ll be remembered once we die.

      • http://politicoholic.com Nisha

        You’re right that my situation is unique, because I don’t have those other priorities and can put more time into career stuff. I’m also able to pack up and leave the country in a few months to work abroad, and have not had to worry what will happen if I leave a significant other and go abroad for a few months. I see my friends do this all the time – they decide not to go abroad, or not to take a job in a new city, because they don’t want to leave the gf/bf. I don’t think I could make that decision. I like that independence; but I recognize that not everyone is in the same position. I’m sure it’s completely different for you Matt since you’re in a serious relationship. Actually though, maybe it isn’t. It’s interesting to me — I can say I’d choose work first because I am single, but Jun says work first even though he is in a serious relationship…

        I get what Jun is saying though — he doesn’t want to be just another face in the crowd, he wants to make his mark and leave an impact, and I wholeheartedly agree with that and I love Jun’s work ethic. If that’s your priority, then sometimes other priorities have to be readjusted, and I don’t think there is anything wrong with that, nor does it make you a bad family member/boyfriend/girlfriend.

    • http://junloayza.com JunLoayza

      Yea, I definitely did notice that we were in the minority. I didn’t put up your DM because I thought you might have wanted it private since it was in DM form.

      Kim is very important to me. I love her dearly and I truly believe she is the “one” (don’t tell her I said that). Would I choose work over her? I have… but I think that my career is more important right now for the both of us.

      I think that you’re making a super tough decision as well. You chose to follow your dreams instead of making your family happy. That takes a lot of courage and I commend you for that.

      To accomplishing our dreams!!!

  • http://www.lifewithoutpants.com Matt Cheuvront

    Nisha – I am 100% with you in that Jun defines what it means to be passionate and driven in what he does. I am not questioning or doubting his work ethic. I don’t want to be just another face in the crowd either, of course I want to live my life to the fullest and leave an impact – follow my passions, inspire and enlighten others. I am passionate about reaching out and having an impact on other people – I think you and I, Jun, and probably everyone else reading this feels the exactly same way. We all want to be remembered – I just choose not to let that define who I am.

    I know that as I make the transition from corporate to startup life – I’m going to be in for a reality check – it takes an extremely high level of commitment to start and run your own business. I don’t think Jun is neglecting everything around him, I’m sure his friends and family love him and he seems like an awesome dude. But when it comes to defining who you are, define yourself, don’t let others do it for you – don’t live your life just to be remembered, that’s all I’m saying.

    • http://junloayza.com JunLoayza

      I agree. Your comments are what I need to remind me to focus on me rather than on what other people think.

      When are you thinking of making the transition from the corporate world to the startup life?

      It’s going to be one exciting ride!

      • http://www.lifewithoutpants.com Matt Cheuvront

        Jun – I don’t know when the ‘transformation’ will take place for me. But the most important thing is I know it WILL happen – I have faith in that, and that through all of these jobs that I may not be passionately in love with, I am learning a lot about myself, my own talents, and on the side, I’m meeting some awesome people and networking like a maniac.

        You and I will have to sit down and chat soon about making that initial leap. I’m looking forward to it!

  • http://leagaldunki.wordpress.com Kristina Duncan

    I think the key word in your post is “consistently.” We all have to make choices. I chose to not do my homework yesterday to do my taxes and thus I am behind (and on the quarter system, being behind is not good). Last month I chose to skip dinner with friends I see once a month in order to finish work for a new client that I want to impress. Friends/family/significant other will understand that you have work and you have to miss things to get things done. If they don’t, well then they are not worth it. It is when they start wondering if you are alive that maybe you have put work first too much. It does boil down to balance, priorities, and choices. Sometimes work comes first and other time you say to yourself “I’m hanging with Dad tonight cause I haven’t seen him in a month and need to do this.” and then you pull an all-nighter to catch up.

    • http://junloayza.com JunLoayza

      I like the way you put it: “pull an all-nighter to catch up.”

      My priorities are currently looking like this: Career, Girlfriend, Family, Friends, Sleep

      But sometimes I just can’t fight off sleep! Especially with the girlfriend around :P

      • http://leagaldunki.wordpress.com Kristina Duncan

        All of our lives are like that in pursuit of our respective careers. My great-grandmother once said. “It is a great world if you are strong enough.” We are all working hard. Take comfort that when you are up at 2am, you are not alone. And rest assured, if you are not, someone else is. Man, never thought I would ever quote my Dad for things he said to me back in high school. Darn it, drives me crazy when parents are right. lol

  • http://www.restlesslikeme.com Norcross

    What caught my attention was that there needed to be a choice: one OR the other. I’ve done the 100 hour work weeks, 3 jobs + wife + child, and somehow made the time for family. Family certainly understands and will be supportive, but the important thing is that they are a part of your life. If Sunday is dinner day, then that’s what you do on Sundays. While the start-up life certainly isn’t a 9-5 job, there should always be boundaries put in place for all parties.

    • http://junloayza.com JunLoayza

      Sunday is dinner day, but sometimes you will HAVE to make the choice.

      I could have easily gone to my Dad’s yesterday and neglected putting up the new episode of Awesome Bloggers. Would anyone have cared if I had posted the video at 10am PST rather than 3:30am PST?

      Probably not. But I would have cared.

      It starts with something small. One day you post a video late, next day you post it a day late, and then pretty soon you’ve lost all of your project discipline.

      In the startup life, you are the manager, director, secretary, and custodian. There is no one telling you what to do, so if you don’t have the discipline to finish your project on the time you set, then you will ultimately fail.

  • http://www.shatterboxx.com Jamie

    Saying you won’t sacrifice family for work is easy. Actually doing it is a different story.

    I know what you mean Jun – I’ve been pretty busy myself and feel like I’m basically an entrepreneur. And, you know what happens when I take a night off or go to sleep early? I miss an email. Or I get behind on something important. Or I miss an opportunity because someone else is staying up later than I am. Or someone else didn’t take the night off.

    There are a lot of cliches being thrown around in the comments, but most of the people don’t know what it’s like to feel that closely tied to the success of their business. Anyone that has only had a job and not had their own business can’t know; it’s impossible. And, I hardly know, since I’m still starting out.

    But what I do know is that saying you’ll make time for people is a whole hell of a lot easier than actually doing it. And, saying that you won’t sacrifice family and family comes first is, again, easier than actually living that. Because, before I started doing all the things I’ve done lately, I would have easily said to you, “Jun, never sacrifice family.”

    But you have to. And your comparisons between what makes a wannabe and a successful entrepreneur, I think, are spot on.

    The people in your life may not like it and they’ll have a difficult time with it, but if they want to see you do these HUGE things, then you’ll need to cut down on drinking with the buds, spending every day with the gf, and sometimes a Sunday dinner or two. It’s not an easy choice to make, but it’s a necessary one.

    I got your back, Jun – I get it.

    • http://junloayza.com JunLoayza

      Awwww… I feel the love from you guys!

      Thanks Jamie. If a person has not been in the position of having her own startup, then she can’t possibly understand the decisions that we need to make. (Of course, there are still doctors, bankers, and other hardcore people that understand the startup mentality in terms of hours worked)

      I do make the time to hang out with the friends and spend time with the family. Heck, we went on a rampage last Thursday night and topped it off with some sweet karaoke.

      But the point is, had I had something important to do for my startup, there is no doubt in my mind that I would have gone straight home and finished it up.

      If we work harder than everyone around us, we will become successful :)

      • http://www.shatterboxx.com Jamie

        If we work harder than everyone around us, we will become successful

        For our sakes, let’s hope this is true! =D

      • http://www.alimezdegi.com estetik

        I am happy to find this very useful for me, as it contains lot of information. I always prefer to read the quality content
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  • http://www.lifewithoutpants.com Matt Cheuvront

    In response to you, Jamie. I don’t think there are cliché’s being thrown around here. And I don’t think the opinions of the people who may not have as much startup experience should be thrown to the side. I have done some ‘entrepreneurial’ work in the past. The only reason I’m not doing it now is because I am forced to be realistic – I can’t move back home, I have to support myself, I have to make money, there is no other option right now than to work a so called ‘corporate’ job and continue making money. People are constantly commended for taking the startup leap, but in some cases, most cases, at the age of 23, it’s not realistic – it’s not even possible. You are fortunate enough to have a family who welcomes you into there home with open arms while your pursue your passions. I, on the other hand, am not – I have to take care of myself – I have to plan my own future, I have to take things one step at a time, I can’t quit my job and dive head first into setting up a startup and making no money – I’d love to if I could, but I cant, a lot of people cant.

    I think it foolish to discount the people who aren’t signing Jun’s praises here. ALL OF US, every single one of us, myself included, thinks Jun is one hell of a guy – none of us would be wasting our time here if we didn’t respect the heck out of him. My point is that everyone’s situation is different. It’s not as simple as ‘make time for family’ and I don’t think that’s what my comment or post was about. It’s about this idea of being remembered.

    Jun and I are different but we’re also one in the same – I see a lot of similarities between us. He knows what he wants, he sees how to get what he wants, and I say good for him, best of luck – it’s clear to me Jun is going to be a mega success story when we look back on how this all began years from now.

    My point, really the only thing I was trying to get across, is this idea of becoming legendary, this idea of being remembered, isn’t something that defines me, and that’s where our difference lies. I want to be remembered just as much as the next guy – I want to do something great, I want to leave my mark, but it doesn’t define me. As long as I know I tried, as long as I follow my passions and accomplish the goals I lay out for myself, I will live (and die) without regret.

    I’ve ‘got your back’ too Jun – more power to you, this isn’t an argument; it’s just a difference in core philosophy.

    • http://junloayza.com JunLoayza

      Thanks bro. You know I got your back too.

      The MAJORITY of people cannot move back home and do their startup. They do HAVE to support themselves on their own. I know it’s tough, but keep doing what you’re doing and you’ll make it to the point where you can step away from the corporate world and start your company.

      I want to see you do it so anytime you need help, just let me know.

      • http://www.lifewithoutpants.com Matt Cheuvront

        Agreed that most people don’t have that luxury to move back home, but some do, as is the case is with Jamie. If I had that option in front of me, I would be @ home right now, making cool websites and getting my picture in Forbes. But that’s not the reality, at least not right now. I work my ass off during the day at my regular 8-5 and continue working on the things I’m more ‘passionate’ about after-hours. What I’m doing right now isn’t easy, it’s a lot of work. As we can all attest to, blogging, networking, and building a personal brand is a full time job in it of itself.

        It’s all about connecting, inspiring, enlightening, growing personally and helping other people to do the same. When we have conversation going like this, both here and on my blog, where people are REALLY looking within and pouring out their emotions, that’s when you know you’ve done something right, THAT’S when you know that this whole blogging thing is a pretty powerful and amazing thing. Cheers Jun!

  • http://www.mckinneyoatescereal.wordpress.com Marie

    I would always put family first. And I would slap Mark in the back of the head if he tried to put work in front family for a significant amount of time because that’s the deal we made.

    However, I think starting something (a company, a career, heck, even a Sodoku puzzle) demands attention, especially in the beginning. I mean, starting something is kind of like going into labor. Labor is intense and you can’t really give anything else your attention even if you wanted to. Fortunately, labor eventually ends and you have a baby which, though demanding, does not require the same level of focus. Maybe once all of your projects are “fully born” you’ll be able to negotiate your time differently, but for right now the startups demand your attention, whether you like it or not.

    Also, everything you’re saying basically says to me that there is a certain type of girl that you’re probably never going to be in a relationship with. The one who wants a husband home every Friday night or to be at every Little League game. Neither lifestyle choice is “right” and at the same time the two lifestyles aren’t compatible either. From what I’ve read about you and Kim, she is well aware of the sacrifices of being involved with an entrepreneur and has a bit of the entrepreneurial spirit of her own. While it is obviously an issue in your relationship (no one likes to get cancelled on), it isn’t a dealbreaker for her which is a good thing for you.

    Anyways, good luck navigating the whole work/life balance thing!

    • http://junloayza.com JunLoayza

      Love the analogy. Though I don’t think men will ever go through such a hardship as labor and child birth, I agree that once my company is “born” and has been nurtured to adulthood, I’ll be able to let it run itself.

      That’s the ultimate goal really. I want to establish companies that are self-automated (a la Tim Ferris) so that I can spend my time and energy on my loved ones, traveling, and maybe even write a book! Isn’t that what everyone is doing nowadays?

      Kim understands me so well and I can’t thank her enough for it. If she leaves me, I think I would die, hahaha

  • Charles Ju

    Jun it sounds like you’re working way too hard.

    I am doing fairly well as an entrepreneur, and I still find time to hang out all the time with my friends and family. I think a lot of it is just being able to let the small stuff go, push back deadlines that are not mission critical, and being more productive when you actually are working.

    For me, that means that I have sacrificed some features to be pushed out in future releases, stopped blogging except for the few “ah-ha” epiphanies that I need to get out on paper, and pulled on full-time more people in exchange for less personal equity.

    I really don’t think entrepreneurialism should affect your personal life that much. I think we think alike, and like you, I think that this is more of a life-long marathon rather than a dash to the finish line.

    Hope you figure out a good balance man, cheers!

    • http://junloayza.com JunLoayza

      Charlie, I haven’t spoken to you in a while. If you’re in the area, we need to hang out.

      To be honest, I think I can always be working harder. Yea, it’s easy to create a small company and just have it sustain life. But you can’t just cruise if you want to build the next… dare I say it… Google!

      Yes, I want to build some small, self-automated business that will allow me to spend my time more effectively. But my ultimate goal is the legendary empire. That will require blood sweat and tears.

  • W

    When you start a business, you make tremendous sacrifice. The thing is, that sacrifice might not make sense until later on in life. Let me take your Click example.

    “I suddenly had an image of the movie Click with Adam Sandler. In the movie, Adam Sandler is a workaholic who consistently chooses his career over his family until they finally leave him and he’s left with nothing but his millions of dollars and his CEO position. Though he achieved everything he wanted in his career, he was left alone and unhappy.”

    I haven’t watched the movie so I’m basing everything on this quote. How many people has Sandler affected? I’m assuming thousands upon thousands. By giving up his family, he allowed others to live with their family. If every entrepreneur gave up and decided not to succeed, we would have much less jobs. That means more people would suffer as less business would be done.

    So in the big picture, yes, the sacrifice is your family and ultimately yourself. The reward is the family of your employees. They get to grow up. They get to eat out with Aunt Sally. They get to have resources to allow their kids to grow up happily. They get to sit back and relax.

    Nothing in life is free. If your not paying the price, someone else is.

    • http://Awesome.Viralogy.com Jun Loayza

      wow, never thought of it this way. So you’re saying if I’m working relentlessly, and lets say I’m suffering, someone else might be receiving my rewards?

      Your Click analogy has one flaw. You’re saying that Adam in the movie sacrificed his family so that people in the “real world” would benefit from it. I don’t think it works this way.

      Nevertheless, you bring up a good point.

      • W

        Pretty much. Though for a lot of people, especially the greedy ones, the “rewards” for other people are unintentional but it’s there.

        Forgot to give this disclaimer. I’m at the very beginning of the startup stage so I personally don’t know how much of what I said is true. However, when I worked and looked around at several companies, I realized it to be something close to the truth.

        For me, starting a business has more to do with finding out what is the limit of my potential. How far can I go in life? How far can I take things? What is the true limitations of human beings? Sadly though, not many people want to go to the end of the world and see what’s there :(

        Oh, by the way, you have a pretty nice blog. Good luck on your venture!

      • http://Awesome.Viralogy.com Jun Loayza

        Thanks W.

        What is your startup? I’m very curious to learn more about it

      • W

        Wow, you reply to almost every answer. Feel free to give me an email if you want to know more.

  • http://nikipaniki.wordpress.com Niki

    I know I chose work but here’s my justification for such (taken from one of my comments, in a blog post inspired by this):

    Anyway, I guess it’s all a matter of perspective. We’re all born different, with different backgrounds (changing, even), and happiness for one may not exactly be the happiness for another. They did say, however, that success shared is more fulfilling, and I think this is where it matters. And mostly, success is driven not just by personal aspirations but as a way for us to lift our families up from a life less ordinary. To me, family will always support you and would definitely want you to be successful in life. What other people forget when they’ve finally attained success, is to give/share it back to the people who’ve been there when they weren’t anyone worth remembering yet. The biggest mistake most successful people commit is not being thankful. Sure, you may have earned your success through your own hard work, but family was always there to back you up in case you fall or to push you further when you felt like giving up.

    But then, for a starting entrepreneur who has to cover all of the duties of a business, there is always a time, no matter how short, to spend it with your loved ones. For me, I try to always meet up with friends and family even for just an hour or two. Or sometimes, I’d sacrifice my lunch break so that I could get all of my work done and meet them for dinner on time. We all have some sacrifices to make.

    Family isn’t too demanding, really. All they want to know is that you’re making an effort. They’d understand if sometimes you won’t be there because they know that if you do have time you would spend it with them.

    • http://Awesome.Viralogy.com Jun Loayza

      I will definitely find the time during the week to spend with my family and friends. For example, I will not bring my iPhone to the dinner table because I know I will be on email and Twitter the whole time. I’ll save a Fri or Sat night with my friends to hang out for a couple of hours every other week.

      I agree: the biggest mistake a successful person can make is to NOT pay it forward. I just need to get the ball rolling, and I will devote much more time to my loved ones and much more time helping other young entrepreneurs succeed.

      – Jun Loayza

      • http://www.yinkaolaito.com yinka olaito

        Jun, I do know for a start up, there is need for investment longer hours of working, but there will always be a dividing line, a point of equilibrum for everything that needed to be done. That does not be you are a “wannabe entrepreneur”.

  • http://justtoological.com Chaalz

    Jun…my very first reaction to your post and comments is
    “You’re playing with fire!” I have to agree with lots of what Matt Cheuvront had to say.

    “A very important characteristic of a successful young entrepreneur is the ability to sacrifice everything to create a successful company.”

    I think you (and many others your age) have created a false dichotomy regarding success. Your statement is a possible truth, but its not the only truth. If working 50hrs brings a certain level of success, working 60hrs does not necessarily equate to more success. There is an ROI on everything we do in life. It appears that you made a decision a while ago that more work will bring more success and you’re done asking yourself that question. You need to be constantly evaluating where you are in life, since presumably you are constantly growing. Less is often times, more.

    “If a person has not been in the position of having her own startup, then she can’t possibly understand the decisions that we need to make.”

    If we are to accept this as true, then you must accept “If a person has not been in a family [with kids], then he cant possibly understand how choosing work over family is wrong”. My only point here is that statements like these are too absolute to be fruitful IMO.

    You mention several times you want to be remembered and that you want to change the world. A quick glance at the blogs of today shows that the large majority of young people have this very goal. (me too btw) Please don’t take this the wrong way, but what percentage of time have you actually spent trying to change the world, and what percentage have you spent trying to become a very rich entrepreneur? Nothing wrong with wanting to be rich, but lets call a spade a spade shall we. I’ve found that being honest to oneself reveals hidden strengths and a greater sense of purpose and direction.

    This next point hits very close to home and I struggled a bit writing this.
    You say that your family wants you to succeed, to honor them, etc. I may be totally wrong here, but I’ll go out on a limb and say this isn’t true. I mean they may have told you the actual words, but its you Jun, you who actually want the satisfaction of honoring your family and succeeding the way you describe. I went through this after my father died when I was 17. I grew up thinking that I was doing everything “for my family”. So I sacrificed many relationships in the name of duty and responsibility. I worked my ass off. By the age of 29 I was making well into 6 figures as a developer, had a BMW and an SUV, wife, kid, 4700 sq ft house and was completely debt free (except for the mortgage). Perfection right? Wrong. I’m 31 now (still happily married for 10yrs too btw) but it wasn’t until recently that I realized I did all this for “me”. I was the one with the insane desire to be remembered, to be great, to feel that I’m the provider. I was the one who willingly sacrificed those relationships. Luckily for me, my marriage withstood it. I’m not saying you are necessarily wrong, but I think you are sugar-coating the reality of your choices so you can swallow that pill easier. Sometimes we do that out of guilt.

    This is getting long so I’ll end with just a few words of personal advice for everyone reading.

    1. Be more honest with yourself. The freedom and clarity you get from doing this is priceless.
    2. “Invest” in your relationships NOW, just like a retirement account. There WILL come a point in your life when you’ll need to withdraw that investment. Make sure its there and big enough.
    3. Cherish your love. Don’t think your wife/GF is great because she lets you do your own stuff. Think she’s great because she helps you become a better man than you would have been without her.

    This wasn’t meant to lecture or offend. I’m very proud of you man, which is an extremely odd and uncomfortable thing for one guy to say to another guy (he’s never met). LOL. But, 3 weeks ago your blog, vids, company, inspired me to finally do something for both me AND my family. So I’m starting a company. Working hard each night till 3am. There is ABSOLUTELY NO REASON why I can’t retire in 3 yrs at the age of 35, right? ;)

    • http://junloayza.com JunLoayza

      Does more work = more success? There are two people who I greatly idolize: Tim Ferris and Gary Vaynerchuk. They have drastically different philosophies in business and in life.

      Tim talks about working the minimum possible so that you can do what you love. Gary talks about doing what you love so that you live everyday passionately. Tim doesn’t answer his emails; Gary does. Tim focuses on the bare minimum so that he can live the life he wants; Gary focuses on the hustle, and working hard every single second.

      I’m 23, I don’t have a wife and kids. I commend you and greatly respect you for starting a company right now in such a tough economy and with a family to support economically and emotionally.

      My current situation is completely different from yours. I am currently responsible to no one, and am able to do as I please without having to worry about anyone else. This is why I am able to forego family time with my parents and hang out sessions with my friends; they don’t depend on me for anything so they can just keep on living their lives and support me if they wish.

      Am I not being honest with myself? Am I doing this for my parents, or am I doing it for myself?

      I AM doing this for myself and I realize that. My motivation is intrinsic – this is who I am. At the same time, I know my parents want me to succeed as well. Sure they’ll be happy if I get a comfortable job and live the “average” life. They’ll be happy as long as I am happy. But to be perfectly honest, I KNOW that my Dad wants me to be a millionaire. Heck, he’s been saying that to me since elementary school.

      I love Kim and feel like she is the one because she understands my priorities and makes me a better person. Just because I don’t treat her out to dinner every week does not mean I’m neglecting her emotionally. I try to be there as much as I can.

      You ask what percentage of the time I have spent trying to change the world. Everytime I write a blog post I try to change the world. Every time I write a post that inspires someone to become an entrepreneur or that teaches an entrepreneur how to be a better boyfriend, I have made a positive influence in this world. I created a Campus CMO program last year where I positively changed the lives of 15 undergraduates who worked with me during a period of 9 months. I taught them everything I knew and have gone above and beyond in order to try and help them get their dream career.

      Though these things have not impacted the world on a global level, I have helped individuals take a step closer to living the dream.

      Our very first project (which we spent 8 months working on) was a virtual world that made this world more productive. We spent 8 months trying to build a project that would make a positive global impact. Unfortunately, we weren’t able to get funding, and now we’re focusing on other things that will hopefully generate revenue and that will help bloggers better promote themselves.

      So I have to say that I do feel I have been working very hard to make a positive impact.

      No offense taken. I’m very happy to have met you and I hope to have you as a guest on Awesome Bloggers very soon.

      I look forward to seeing you launch your startup

      • http://leagaldunki.wordpress.com Kristina Duncan

        You mention having people people you admire and how they do things. Ultimately, you have to figure out what works for you and that can change every, day, week, or even year. We are evolving people…we grow and change and our needs grow and change. SO, right now you might be able to work hard and do long hours and sacrifice family gatherings because you can and then maybe be doing the hard work now, things will lighten up later so that when your own family comes along (if that is what you want) you won’t have to sacrifice then.

        Also, make sure you know what you really are sacrificing. I didn’t go to Sac with my parents to visit a sick Aunt because I had to work (needed the money) and had school and I didn’t think I could miss that. However, turns out that was the last opportunity to see her. Now she is gone. An extreme case, but used to make a point.

        This post is pre-coffee. Hope it makes sense.

      • http://Awesome.Viralogy.com Jun Loayza

        Kristina, I’m very sorry to hear about your experience with your aunt. It is an extreme case but it clearly proves your point.

        After reading all of these comments, I will spend more time with friends and family. I’ll just work extra hard and effectively when I am working.

  • Steve

    I’m still really not understanding where this idea that more work yields more success comes from. It seems to be the exact opposite of working smart.

    Tony Tonev and I had a good conversation about social media and addictions recently. What I really took away from our conversation is that people get addicted to anything – and what is easier to get addicted to than something you feel is actually improving your life?

    Now I’m not saying that hard work is not improving one’s life – but long hours for long hours’ sake does not yield success nor happiness – it only yields long hours.

    I find the most intriguing evidence of addiction when friends of mine state on Facebook or Twitter that they should be join some “work-aholic” club. It’s chic to work 70+ hours a week.

    • http://junloayza.com JunLoayza

      Its kinda like this Stephen:

      It may take me only 1.5 hours to write a blog post or about 3 hours to edit a video on Awesome Bloggers. I can then relax and chill and let it grow organically.

      OR…

      I can then market the Awesome Blogger video for 1 hour to people in the blogosphere and Twitter. This would exponentially grow my traffic because people can retweet it and people can blog about it or write a comment on the video, enticing people to watch it.

      OR…

      I can forego dinner with the fam, watching a movie with my friends, and cuddling with my girlfriend, thus giving me the time to market the video for 5 hours! This is extremely time consuming hard work, but it’s effective.

      My point is that if I spent 5 hours a day marketing the video (instead of going to the gym and talking on the phone with my girlfriend or surfing FB), the company has a greater chance of success.

      Yes, this is an extreme example, but I hope you get my point

      • Steve

        I agree completely up until the second to last sentence of this response.

        I agree that choosing to do X over Y makes you better at X than you would have been if you didn’t do X at all. There’s no disagreement there :)

        I do disagree, however, that doing X leads to ABCDEFG in all cases. I agree completely that you provide a lot of value to your readers and bring up interesting topics. I also agree that your writing style has improved immensely over the past year and I very, very much respect that. I RARELY read blogs – but I check yours several times a week.

        Haha – I just realized how much we differ in this approach. After several attempts at explaining myself further I became aware that I have no interest in forming a case for this publicly. As a friend I care about your success and welfare and I believe spending 5 more hours a week on promotion for social media will yield negligible returns for your career and quantifiably negative returns for your personal relationships.

        Everything is about balance – which is not reflected in my above abuse of the word “agree”. I wish you the best, Jun!

      • http://junloayza.com JunLoayza

        Hahaha.. we are different in many ways, but it’s all love brother.

        I have a two examples (these are big name people, I know):

        1. Tim Ferris focused solely on building a community with the blogosphere for the launch of his book. The result – #1 best seller

        2. Gary Vaynerchuk has focused an IMMENSE amount of energy answering emails, comments, blogging, and communicating on forums to build up Wine Library TV. The result – he is now known as the Oprah of the internet. (I think that’s what he’s called)

        Mindless, retarded work will produce no results. Smart effective work WILL produce results.

        So what if you spend all day doing smart effective work? You’ll beat out the person who is doing smart effective work for only 2 hours in a day.

      • http://tonythinks.com Tony Tonev

        Haha, I accidentally googled my name today and this came up.

        I think you both bring up really good points. However, I tend to agree more with Stephen’s point (and not just because he name-dropped me, haha). While it is true that if you do smart effective work all day, you’ll get a lot more done than someone who does that for 2 hours, it really depends on the kind of work. If it’s something you could do in your sleep, and doesn’t necessarily require creativity or inspiration, then sure. Hammering in nails for 14 hours will build a railroad faster than doing “smart, effective” hammering for 4 hours a day. No doubt about that.

        However, more often than not, success today requires inspiration and creativity — writing and programming are two obvious examples. I’m sure Steve and any other programmer can relate to the experience of working on a project for so long that your mind is shot and you’re almost making the code worse, haha. With exhaustion comes hasty, sloppy, and buggy code which takes longer to fix than it would have to write well the first time. I can’t speak to writing, but I’d imagine there’s a similar phenomenon.

        The mind needs time to rest, recharge, and, especially, play. The importance of play cannot be underestimated. There was a case study on about a dozen serial killers that found that every single one of them grew up in situation in which they were not able to play for whatever reason (abusive parents, having to work due to poverty, etc). The urge to play comes from the center of the brain where emotions like fear and anger come from. Play is a *survival instinct*. People often dismiss it and trivial and unimportant, but without it, we wouldn’t be human in a very literal sense.

        My point is, if you never give your brain unstructured time to relax and be in the moment and explore and… yes, play! you will soon run out of creative energy and inspiration. Where do you think creativity comes from? You don’t lick it off the rocks.. It’s the ability to combine together existing ideas from a multitude of places to the point where the origin of those ideas is not even traceable by the thinker (see Cryptomnesia).

        So back to Stephen’s point, it’s about balance. You need to listen to your body, and when it tells you it’s exhausted and needs sleep, maybe you should get some sleep. That’s all I’m trying to say. :D

        I miss hanging out with both of you! I hope we can see each other sometime soon. Take care.

  • http://www.DoingBusinessBytheBookToday.com/ Becky

    There has to be balance when it comes to having a successful career and a family. I have always put my husband and kids first, all while trying to do the best I can at running my own business. I have gotten a lot of great advice by reading books… my latest favorite is titled, “Doing Business By the Book” by Sophfronia Scott. I am actually working on writing my own book to help build my credibility and seek positive recognition- something else I learned by reading her book. It hasn’t been easy, and I don’t know when I will finish the book. However I try to do a lot of work while the kids are asleep or at school. Profits are still coming in, my family still feels as though I love them- I feel that I am doing well at both.

  • Belinda

    My husband is an entrepreneur. He’s 38 and has basically been an entrepreneur his entire adult life, even during high school and college. He makes a comfortable living and has quite a bit of notoriety in his industry. I am not going to mention the industry because I still like my privacy. One of his companies drove him to sacrifice friendships and family. Looking back, he regrets it. And to top it off, it was his least successful project, by far! Working long hours alone won’t make you successful (hell, ask any lawyer!). When it was time to move on from that project, he was depressed and lonely. Just a thought…

    • http://Awesome.Viralogy.com Jun Loayza

      Wow… I don’t want to be depressed and lonely.

      Then again, my goal is to make it HUGE by 27 :)

      If I make it big quick, or if I at least am able to create a company that generates steady revenue for me, then I will be able to focus my time more effectively.

      I plan to work like an ox right now cuz I’m 23 and full of energy. I can rest when I die

      • http://leagaldunki.wordpress.com Kristina Duncan

        yes, work hard now cause it gets harder as you get older…trust me.

  • http://akhila.wordpress.com Akhila

    Jun, I’ve been reading through the comments and everyone has already made some really great points. Personally, I think that a balanced life IS important — but it also depends who you are. If you, personally, are happy with an unbalanced life than you should be able to pursue what you are passionate about. The thing is, for me, I would not be able to work such crazy hours even if it’s something I really loved: I’d need a little time off here and there to spend time with my family and friends and loved ones. But perhaps you’re different. You know, everyone has different priorities, and your priority is success in the entrepreneurship world. You seem to genuinely enjoy every moment of your work even if there is so much you have to do. If you value work so much and enjoy it, then I see nothing wrong with you prioritizing work — it’s your priority and your passion.

    Your friends, family, and girlfriend will understand too…but only to a certain extent. I think your family will always understand. If you stop talking to them altogether, of course, they’ll be hurt. But if you make time to still talk to them once in a while, I am sure they will understand. The danger comes with losing your friends and your girlfriend — if you don’t see friends in a while it becomes really hard to catch up again, and girlfriends take up a lot of time. Being in a serious relationship makes working much harder because your significant other might only understand up to a certain level.

    What I am saying is perhaps you have to prioritize your personal relationships. This sounds horrible, but you have to decide who is the most important to you and which you want to maintain no matter how busy you get. And perhaps you have to choose those relationships and pump your free time/energy into making sure those last.

    It’s important to work but one last thing I have to say is that I don’t know if working excessively is good for you…because you do need some time to refresh and get energy back. Too much work can burn a person out and you don’t want that to happen to you either.

    • http://Awesome.Viralogy.com Jun Loayza

      Thanks for your words Akhila. My current priority is my career, followed by my girlfriend, family, and friends.

      Kim knows this, so it’s not like I’m deceiving her or anything. I love her for understanding my career goals.

      I work hard, but I am going to consciously find time to hang out with my friends and family. I do it now, but when I do hang out, I feel guilty because in the back of my mind, I feel like I should be working.

      So it’s time to turn over a new leaf. Work hard as heck throughout the week, and hopefully be able to spend a dinner with the fam on Sunday and hang out sesh with the friends on Sat evening.

      I can’t get burnt out. Progress only fuels my fire.

  • http://justtoological.com Chaalz

    In your best Chis Crocker voice “Leave Jun Alone!”. (lmao…just thought I’d lighten the mood on here a bit. :) )

    Thx for the reply Jun. Good luck to you man.

    Sunday I drove (like an idiot) to DC to see the Cherry blossoms and it took me 2 hrs to find a parking spot. My 4yr old daughter got out and ran around for 30 mins before getting tired and wanting to go home. At first I thought it was a waste of a perfectly good day to work on my idea. But then I reflected on my childhood and realized that there were many “30 min” adventures that I had with my dad that meant the world to me, but that prob required him to sacrifice his work. I guess I’m paying it forward in a way.

    We are very similar. I think the only difference (just based on these comments) is that I am overly confident in myself that I can work like a fiend as well as make time for others. I literally sit sometimes and try to figure out how I can squeeze that extra 15 or 30 mins out of each day. My wife would ask me to take out the trash and I would say “No, I’ll wait till after 11am when the mail man arrives.” Why? So I can make 1 trip outside, say hi to the neighbors and get back in. Its silly, but its efficient, hence my blog “Just Too Logical”. Hey man that 8 mins adds up overtime! Try it. You’ll be surprised at how much time is actually wasted during the day. I put the burden of being more efficient on me first and choose work over family second. I’m not always successful, but at least in my head I’ve tried.

    • http://Awesome.Viralogy.com Jun Loayza

      Wow, that is pretty hardcore. Take out the and pick up the mail at the same time. I should try it sometime, hahaha.

  • http://livelearnshare.wordpress.com Dani O

    Jun, I wish I could say I’m the type of person who, like you, could devote your life to your work and achieving the goals you so passionately hope to accomplish as an entrepreneur. However, I can not say I am that kind of person. You should not be ashamed or thinking that you are a bad son or boyfriend, because you probably have always been this type of person and they all have chosen to love you through your endeavors. Even if it means they won’t get to spend as much time with you as they’d like.

    I am personally very passionate about spending time with my family, friends, and boyfriend. It’s what keeps me going, and in a lot of ways it’s what I am passionate about. Same with traveling, I could not imagine giving up traveling for any job. However, on the other hand, I am not very satisfied by my career right now so maybe my priorities are out of whack. But it’s important to me that I watch my nephew and nieces grow up and they know who I am. It’s important to me that I work on my relationship with my sister and father who I have not always been close to. And it’s important to me that I continue making amazing memories with my boyfriend who I plan to spend the rest of my life with.

    HOWEVER, on the otherhand, you may be busting your butt now while giving up social and family interaction… but 5 or 10 years down the road it may truly pay off. And then you might have that extra time and expendable income to do the things you want to do with the people you want to do them with. So, you might have it right all along. I guess my problem is I am too scared that 5 or 10 years down the road may not happen or may not happen the way I plan, and I don’t want to risk missing out.

    But kudos to you for doing what makes you happy and content!

    • http://Awesome.Viralogy.com Jun Loayza

      Thanks Dani, that’s the real goal. I want to bust my ass now, become legendary, and proudly start a family.

  • http://mixergy.com Andrew Warner

    I’m in my office looking at bookcases full of biographies of business people. Most of them pretty much ignored their families while they built their fortunes. (Mostly, they let their wives take care of things while they worked non-stop.)

    But a few actually brought their families into their businesses and ended up with happy relationships.

    Sam Walton is my favorite example of that. On vacations with his family, he’d stop by local stores and see how others do retail. His kids came along on the trips and did some detective work.

    • http://junloayza.com JunLoayza

      Hey Andrew, thanks so much for your comment. You are a true source of inspiration to me.

      Good luck and keep living the startup life

  • StepBack

    I appreciate your tenacity and your dreams, but this post is sooooo pompous and self-involved it’s hard to know where to begin. It’s one big self-aggrandizing rant about YOU. Dude, chill out for a second. Gain some perspective.

    ps: I wonder how many comments have been filtered out in these comments?

    • http://junloayza.com JunLoayza

      I’m sorry to hear that my post seems self-aggrandizing and pompous.

      I was trying to portray my desire to become successful. My idea of success and your idea of success may be completely different, but I can guarantee you that I will just as hard as anybody to achieve my dreams.

      What perspective do you think I should gain? Please enlighten me.

      You see, this is my blog where I write my personal thoughts. If you feel that my posts are too “self-involved,” then you should stop reading my posts. Or at least let me know why you feel this way.

      I have not filtered out any comments. I never do, because I truly value everyone feedback.

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  • Olina

    Huh,that’s something got to give. I am also questioning myself, the entreprenur dream is because of my passion or it’s because of my burden. Certainly I wish I can find a balance point, fulfilling myself in the mean time, enjoy myself and make my friends and family happy. Man, that’s really a puzzle.

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  • http://www.christienlouviere.com Christien

    JL, another awesome post as usual.

    I read none of the comments above, so my answer is pure. I don’t think there is a blanket answer for such an important issue. My dad was a seriously successful entrepreneur. I often hear him say that he’d have traded it all to have hid Dad alive still. I’ve heard him say how his drive changed significantly when he hit 40. There are plenty of “what ifs” in those statements like, “Would he still say that if he hadn’t been successful?”

    In some ways his thoughts through the years, probably have me more on the wannabe entr. side of the scale rather than the successful entr. side of the scale. I’m pretty risk tolerant; however, I know my dad worked just as hard to instill a sense of family in his kids.

    I’m not sure I totally agree with your statement about balance not being possible.

    For me, I always knew it would be important to have someone that supported and understood my career goals (to be a successful entrepreneur) and to want to have a strong family. I think that is one way balance comes into play.

    Another way balance comes into play is if you’re a true entrepreneur, then you’re about building businesses and new ways of doing things; therefore, you may get one big pay day, but your journey won’t be over. Most people I’ve met that have gotten that first business to a success have a much easier time getting the subsequent ones to gain traction. I know that you’re passion is to be that guy, so you must have some sort of balance in your life. I also know that you have balance somewhere b/c in your videos you show signs of strong personality. If you sat in a room all day, you’d have the personality of this coaster next to me.

    I hate to bring in romantic comedies to the mix; but Jack Nicholson in Something’s Gotta Give (appropriate title for this post) tells Diane Keaton, at the end, something along the lines of, “I’m 63 years old, and I finally get what it’s all about.” He was an entrepreneur many times over blah, blah, blah; but he was always searching.

    Not sure how to sum it up b/c it’s a conversation that is constantly evolving inside of ou; but I think as you grow, your stance on it will ebb and flow.

  • http://www.lifeschocolates.com Sam

    Jun, this is such a difficult issue, and it’s great that you approached it so honestly. Even for those of us who aren’t entrepreneurs, but are just getting used to working full time, it’s hard to find a work-life balance. For me, there is no question that family is more important. You don’t want to end up like Adam Sandler did, successful, but not happy (coincidentally, I recently wrote a post about the relationship between those things). So, there must be a way to have both your business and your friends, family and girlfriend in your life. Maybe you stray from your schedule a bit, and find time for the important people in your life, no matter what day of the week it is. Regardless, major props for following your dreams!

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  • http://www.themoneyhawk.com Kevin @ The Money Hawk

    As anti-supernaturalist said, t’s a false dilemma.

    Being an entrepreneur doesn’t require 16 hours of work a day. You don’t have to sacrifice time with your family.

    I’m posting an article this week detailing what I call the Time-Value Shift. It teaches you what your time is worth so you don’t spend all of it slaving away at projects so you can call yourself a successful entrepreneur.

    Tune in…I think you’ll find it interesting.

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  • http://CycloneMarketing.info Catherine Lockey

    O.K. I love your blog style – I found it through a tweet. I’m a small business owner hoping to convert to entrepreneur by your standards. When I started my business I was a single mommy and always put parenting my child first. This is because every child needs at least one devoted parent. I wanted her to have every opportunity available to her and put a big focus on her education. Today, she is a freshman at a high-end, private liberal arts college riding an academic scholarship. She is moving on and so am I. I have no doubt that putting my dreams on hold were the best choice for my daughter and me. I couldn’t have lived with myself any other way. It was totally worth it.

  • http://letlove.be love

    bless this post with love,peace,respect and success.

    just let love be

  • Daniel G. Faragó

    Hello Friend,

    I think you might be on the wrong path. If YOU want to be remembered, I definitely think you should choose family. If you devote yourself to your family you will be remembered quite long by your successors. In public you have very little chance to be remembered, especially in business. So better be a politician but not just a politician but a president of the US, and a damned good one, who really understands the needs of his time and acts wisely and unselfishly.

    If you really want to have an impact, let go of your ego, be open and dedicate yourself to a cause. You have a greater chance to reach immortality in the way you chose.

    In business I think family is a huge advantage . You can learn much from managing your family that is very important in business management (selflessness, spending quality time, planning, listening, respect for advice, your self development is in a more whole way) and pay a smaller price than you would in business. And having children is not for the later stages of your life, simply because it contributes more to your personal development in your 20-s and 30-s than in your 30-s and 40-s.

    In business there are a lot of difficulties to be fighting for being remembered:
    1.) To be excellent at your business and excellent at building a self renewing and reproducing organization.
    2.) Succession is of most importance, you have to prepare to be replaced
    3.) You have to (here still) find a cause or ideology to stand for
    4.) Focus on what you’re good at and skip everything else. Learn what you say no to, and what you do not do
    5.) Your company has to stand for ages and I mean it.

    And having all the above is still does not guarantee your success of being remembered.
    But I am sure that building your own business can be fun (I know that), but be very careful setting your goals because you might reach them!

  • http://www.thederekjohnson.com Derek Johnson

    You’re dead on in your comparison to “wannabe” entrepreneurs and “successful” entrepreneurs. Keep up the hustle, really like your blog.

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  • Long

    I agree with mostly everything that you said. However, do you literally mean there can be no balance? Are you saying that you can’t even have one dinner with everybody at least once a week?

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCDB5ARygV4 best ways to impress a boy

    Aw, this was an extremely nice post. Spending some time and actual effort to generate a really good article… but
    what can I say… I hesitate a whole lot and never seem to get nearly anything done.

  • http://disqus.com/KerriMobbs1/ cukrzyca przyczyny

    Hi! I know this is kinda off topic however I’d figured I’d ask.
    Would you be interested in trading links or maybe guest authoring a blog post or vice-versa?
    My blog goes over a lot of the same topics as yours and I feel we could greatly benefit from each other.
    If you are interested feel free to shoot me an e-mail.
    I look forward to hearing from you! Great blog by the
    way!

  • miguel

    Less is more. There’s a lot to learn from family and friends in the end if you are successful in reaching your goal you will be a cold wealthy top one percenter or lobiest. If your satisfied with with family and a normal career you will have a life filled with love and there will you leave a legacy.

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