Technology is interfering with relationships
I would like to think that I’m a great boyfriend. Even though I’m an entrepreneur that has little time to do anything but work, I take the time to take Kim out to dinner, a movie, or a nice afternoon walk to Starbucks. However, even though I may be physically at a coffee shop with Kim, I have noticed that my mind is constantly drifting and thinking about who is Tweeting me, what good sites are out there to StumbleUpon, and which one of the blogs that I follow has written a great new interesting post that is waiting for me on my Google Reader.
I started thinking about this more deeply after reading about how a marriage is falling apart because of Second Life. The difference here is that the wife in the article found her life monotonous and boring, so Second Life was her escape from reality. I actually find my life super exciting, so I’m not using social media to escape from my life; rather, I’m using it to expand my relationships and expand my business.
I have tried to get my girlfriend on Twitter, tried to get her to start a blog, and constantly try to show her how social media can greatly help her in her career. She wants to go into fashion and become a buyer for a high-end fashion company. But, like many people out there, she doesn’t want to commit the time to build her personal brand online. So, the situation that we’re in right now is that I’m constantly online talking to people, reading articles, and building relationships, while she is on the bed next to me watching Paris Hilton’s New BFF on MTV. I have to admit, these reality shows are so addicting.
As of right now, we’re perfectly happy and she’s fine with me being on my iPhone all day reading posts and sending messages. However, how long will she be “fine” with it? I’m hoping to somehow get her into our world, but it looks like I’m getting no where fast. She wants me to spend more time away from my iPhone and laptop, but there is no way she’s going to pull me away from my connected media. So what am I to do?
What do you guys think? Are any of you in a similar situation? If you guys have any tips about how I can get my girlfriend to partake in our social media world, I would greatly appreciate. I know it’s all about baby steps - I just got her to use Flickr. Next up, she’s going to be using Twitter!
I am like your girlfriend, at least similar. My husband spends most of his day online, playing a game on a social network. It isn’t so much the game that he plays, or the many people he now has as online friends that bother me. Online friendship is fine, but some times I feel like he talks more to his online friends than me.
Could I do the same as him, sure I guess so, but won’t that make the problem worse? Then we both spend hours upon hours connected to a computer, talking to people down the street, in the next town or across the world instead of each other.
Do I have jealousy issues? Sure I do, what man or woman wouldn’t worry about their spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend talking to many members of the opposite sex. Is it a trust issue? I don’t think so, I do trust my husband love him with all my heart. I just feel left out, and lonely when it seems he has more to say to others on the net than me.
I see what you mean. I personally don’t have more to say to be on the net; rather, I have different things to talk about. The reason I want my girlfriend to be involved with me in the online community is so that we can start having that in common. If we have that in common, I feel that we could chat even more about it so she doesn’t feel like she can’t relate to my virtual friends.
I’m sorry that you feel left out. My follow up post to this will be how you can spend time online, and still make your girlfriend feel special and appreciated. Either that, or how to get your significant other to join you online.
I have a good friend who got his wife to use Flickr, Twitter, and to go out to social media events. They couldn’t be happier! I want to give it a try with my girlfriend and hope that she likes it. If she doesn’t, what can I do? I’ll still love her the same.
- Jun
Maybe there’s some important part of her life she’d like to share with you as well? Maybe?
Yea, she wants be a part of her cuddling and TV life!!! hahaha…
I’ll go ask her right now if there is anything in her life that she would like to introduce me to
It sounds to me like she wants you to be present. Not just to physically colocated, but participatory and connected to the moment.
It’s something I’m not always the best at either (I can still drive my wife nuts by constantly checking my blackberry for no reason on an occasional basis), but it’s something I want to do.
I think your plan of asking her if there’s anything she’d like to share with you is a good one, but a big part of it then becomes you being able to fully participate in that as well, not just attending while staying just as connected.
I know, the benefit to today’s mobile technology is that we can always be connected, but can doesn’t always mean should.
Yeah, I’m in a similar spot but with a fiancee. I know at times I can’t sleep because there is so much running around in my head. I will say this:
1) Be thankful that she is supportive and gets it. I’ve dated the ones that don’t get it, and it’s just frustrating.
2) If she doesn’t want it bad enough to do the work (social media, personal brand stuff, etc), then you can’t force it. I’ve had this experience with more than one gf. You just have to swallow it.
3) You see tech as work and fun in one. Women (b/c I’ve only dated women) don’t always see technology as fun. They see it as work. One ex would never touch a computer once she left work because she felt like she was working.
4) If you need to be left alone but need to make it seem like it is her idea to go away, then start quoting movies. They hate this…haha.
5) If she’s mad b/c you won’t literally get in bed with her at 1125pm, then get in bed, wait 10 minutes, she falls asleep, then slowly vacate yourself from the premises.
Oh, and good work with Flikr, but twitter may too big of a leap right now. It takes awhile to realize the benefit. Maybe get her to start her own YT fashion channel. ;->
Good Luck!
CL
Hey Christien, your tips are pretty solid. I might have to use them for a follow up post and link you to it.
I’ve tried strategy number 5, but I just end up falling asleep
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